Christmas After the Choice

standupgirlIt's that time of year again. But as the whole world seems to be dizzy with decorating, spending and cooking up a storm, there are others who aren't catching onto the festive spirit. Some are holding themselves back from all the joy floating around in the air. A deep tingling in the hearts of all people, fulfilling a long ago uttered prophecy by the angels to some shepherds during the first noel "On earth, peace and goodwill to all people."

It seems like the season for dreaming, and hoping, whether it's for a new pair of stilettos or for an opportunity to mend bridges with family and friends. Maybe the reason why everything seems possible around Christmas is because no matter who we are- or what we believe- the idea that God came down to earth as a little baby for you and me makes anything else possible.

And yet as the whole world seems to be dizzy with decorating, spending and cooking up a storm, there are others who aren't catching onto the festive spirit.  Some are holding themselves back from all the joy floating around in the air - women who feel isolated from the holiday bliss because of an abortion.

As a moderator, I find the "After the choice" forum most heartbreaking to moderate. For so many, their choice has betrayed them, and they desperately wish they could turn back the clock and undo everything.

To so many hurting girls out there, struggling with the guilt and depression of termination, the most wonderful part of Christmas can become a source of shame and hurt. I can only imagine how they feel when they walk past a nativity scene with that perfect baby Jesus and his loving mother. Or, when mourning an aborted child, they go to a Christmas party only to be greeted by friends and relatives showing off growing bumps or new babies.  They feel unworthy of God's love and sacrifice - maybe more acutely than they would at any other time. And instead of the festive season being all the wonderful things it used to be in the past, it hurts.

If you are one of these girls, I want you to know that when God sent his son to be born on earth, it was because he desired to be close to us, no matter how imperfect and flawed we were. He still took the first step towards drawing close to us. And he is the same today. Christmas isn't the time for you to withdraw into yourself because of shame and hurt. It's the time to reach out for him. He knows you're hurting and he doesn't hate you, he isn't rejecting you - he is longing to draw near and comfort you. He has even recorded all your tears, because it hurts him when you hurt. You can't mend your broken heart, but he can. After all, he made your heart.

If you try to carry this burden on your own, it will kill you slowly on the inside. I know it may seem like you can never forgive yourself for what you went through, but if you take the time to let God hold you close in His arms and in His tender, loving forgiveness- there will come a day when you will forgive yourself.

This festive season, accept the gift of His love and forgiveness… You have nothing to lose.  And talk to someone else about your pain, too.  Send Becky a letter, and she or one of us will help you through this.  You don't have to be alone.



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Comments (9)add
Lost My Love
Doesnt Help
written by Lost My Love , May 12, 2011
I can't understand how patronizing cliches like "forgive yourself" help anyone. Yes God loves me, yes I'm forgiven, but I don't CARE! I'm not asking for forgiveness or acceptance or self-worth or to "stop hurting" I want to undo what I did. I want to go and get my baby back and carry to term and then hold him and fall in love with him and protect him and be the mother who goes in a rage up to the school to have it out with a teacher who hurt my little boy's feelings. What about my baby? Not me, not my eternal soul, not my emotional well-being but my baby. My baby's lost life and opportunities and what he deserved but I took from him.
Evangeline
...
written by Evangeline , December 13, 2010
I've read this post every christams since I joined SUG and every year it still resonates with me. It's going to be "one of those" years again in my house... I've already chased away my family and friends for the festive season smilies/shocked.gif there go the cool prezzies, but i can't face putting on a smile for everyone again this year.
anakie
...
written by anakie , December 04, 2009
Thanks for this letter.. i just had my choice last month and the day i do that was Friday and this Christmas Jesus is going to be born in Friday here in Asia.smilies/sad.gif when i knew that i become more sick.. and i wont going to celebrate Christmas,,

but after reading this..
it more helps me..
Thank You for this wonderful site..
Tandu
Tandu says...
written by Tandu , November 12, 2009
i have never aborted or gotten pregnant so i can't really tell the feeling that one has but one thing i am sure about is God's love upon us. that God loved us with all the sins on us and it's never to late. never ever lie to yourself that God hates you because you aborted because God's love is so much for us, you just have to accept it and allow him to live inside your heart. there's no sin too big that God can't forgive for He is faithful and just.
thank you Nicki and all the girls out there, enjoy your Christmas this year.
xxnicolaxx
xxnicolaxx says...
written by xxnicolaxx , January 24, 2009
i can relate to the things you say about how imperfect we are and when i had my abortion my sis just got pregnant and it was horrible but i was that far gone i had the injection and know there is like 75 percent i cant have kids know ...my bf and me was just starting owt a relationship so i thought it was the best thing its about 1 and a half years gone by my bf doesnt say anything my family moan and im struggling with the fact that so called god is punishing for 1 thing ive done bad and the worst regret in my life and it always will be so what should i do i have a nephew younger than what would have been my child and i feel i cant get close to any child especially incase i try to take over.... even my sister and her bf are scared of it so???
Nicolette
Nicolette says...
written by Nicolette , January 16, 2009
I'm glad it has helped you guys out- I prayed it wold when i wrote it, so i hope you guys continue to stay on the site and get support from all of us... love Nicki
Evangeline
so true
written by Stupid_Girl , January 13, 2009
seasonal affective disorder is terrible and I can relate to the things you describe, especially the fam showing off their baby bumps, I just wanna push them over a cliff sometimes!
mothers day is another day that I lock myself up in the house with the phone off, it's just too painful to deal with.
Thank you for posting this smilies/smiley.gif
Catergirl
Catergirl says...
written by Catergirl , December 21, 2008
Thank you so much for this letter. I am going through everything you described in your letter and I got sick after the termination and it has definately felt like Christmas was cancelled this year. I am so glad I found this site. Thank you so much.
GangY
GangY says...
written by GangY , December 16, 2008
that's sp nice nicki.... thank you for your words**
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