Standing Up to Pressure
by Jewels Green (An excerpt from the full Article
“My first baby would be 22 this week. I was a 17-year-old drug-using high school drop-out, but when the lady wearing scrubs told me I was pregnant, I already thought of myself as a new mother.
Everyone wanted me to get an abortion… except me. I actually stopped using drugs, went to the library and checked out a book called Under 18 and Pregnant and started to read it to prepare. I scheduled my first prenatal check-up.
My boyfriend was relentless. I am deliberately omitting the details of the violence, both real and threatened, but I finally caved in to my boyfriend’s insistence to not have our baby. On January 4, 1989, he took me to the abortion clinic, but I literally ran out in the hope of saving my baby. Two days later, on January 6, 1989, at 9 1/2 weeks gestation, I had an abortion. It nearly killed me. No, not the surgical procedure, the psychological aftermath. I attempted suicide three times after my abortion and finally ended up in an adolescent psychiatric ward of a community hospital for a month to recover.
I was coerced into having an abortion and thought that by becoming a counselor at an abortion clinic, I could help others like me really talk out their feelings on the issue, truly explore their options, and help them make an honest, informed decision–or help them leave an abusive situation. I worked at an abortion clinic for five years (from age 18 to 23)—not the same one where I had my abortion. I started out on the phone, then at the front desk checking in patients and accepting payments, then I learned medical assisting and helped in the laboratory, took vital signs in the recovery room, and did “dishes” in the autoclave area. (I’ll come back to this).
Then, after two years working at the clinic and starting college as a psychology major, I was trained as a counselor. The “counseling” experience was not what I had hoped. Nearly every pregnant woman coming to an abortion clinic for “options counseling” had already made up her mind, but just wanted to check out the facility and have her questions answered and perhaps her fears allayed. And most of the women coming in felt they had no other choice. A few were truly ambivalent. Sure, we had a little notebook with the names and numbers of two local adoption agencies, but we were never trained or taught how the adoption process works so we could explain it to women. We had the phone number of the local WIC office, public assistance, etc., but again, knew nothing about the process should anyone ever ask for details. If a pregnant woman wanted to learn more about these other choices, the best the “options counselor” could offer was a post-it note with a phone number hastily scribbled on it.
During my time at the clinic, I was a staunch supporter of abortion rights, while all the time knowing in my heart that I felt that what I did was wrong, that I missed my baby, and that I wished things could be different for me. In hindsight, I can see that by surrounding myself with people who believed it was OK to abort babies, I was hoping that someday I would be OK with aborting my baby.
This never happened… After finally forgiving myself for aborting my first child I was able to see the world differently. After two failed marriages I was able to finally commit and my husband and I have been married for eleven years. After giving birth to three sons and feeling the life grow inside me and knowing the fierce overwhelming love a mother can feel for a child, I have been able to finally acknowledge that yes, life begins at conception….
One night after working autoclave my nightmares about dead babies were so gruesome and terrifying and intense I met with the clinic’s director to talk about my feelings. She was very understanding, open and honest, and painfully forthright when she told me, “What we do here is end a life. Pure and simple. There is no disputing this fact. You need to be OK with this to work here.” ….
For myself, I know in my heart that I would never again terminate a pregnancy — EVER — nor would I ever work at an abortion clinic again. If someone I love was facing an unplanned pregnancy, I would do my very best to help her find a way to stay pregnant and give that baby a chance—whether it be by becoming a parent, or by offering up the child for adoption.
There are far too many innocent lives being snuffed out in our country before they have the opportunity to take their first breath, and as a nation we should be doing better. We need to do better. We need to provide real resources to pregnant mothers facing an unplanned pregnancy. The women and babies of our country deserve better. After all, sometimes the best things in life aren’t planned.
Happy Nobirthday, Unbaby. I miss you every day. Love & tears, Mom.”
______________________________________________________________________________
You can contact Jewels Green through Live Action.org, contributor Kristen Walker
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Comments
(29)
written by christabel ofunne , September 12, 2011
I belive pregnancy shld b a tin of joy nd happiness,am 6weeks pregnant nd am so so happy abt it.I will b 24 by nxt year my follow frnds pls if u re pregnant dnt make a mistake in getting read of it cos u meant regret everybit of it.pregnancy is God gife,so guls pls b wise.luv u all
written by Angel babys , September 11, 2011
Wow these storys have touched a place in my heart I havent visited in years. At 14years old I got pregnant my bf at the time (were still great freinds to this day) and I planned on keeping the child. Not much longer and my mother found out (no more tampons in the trash). She then proceeded to talk us both into abortion. I was so against it and still am. Unless raped if u think ur old enough to lay down and spread your legs you can handle the aftermath weather thats becoming a parent or choosing an adoption method. However one day my mother tricked me and we were at thee abortion clinic. She told me we werent leaving till it was done. It broke my heart I was four months along. I had been suicidal before this occation and the nurse noticed still the proceeded with no counseling or anti deppresents. It ruined my bf and my relationship after 3 years of bein together. I have never been able to forgive my mother. I became even more suicidal and a drug addict not even a month into my freshman year of highschool. At 15 I finally moved out my mother told me "move out before your 18 and domt ever come back to live in my house again". There were multipul times were police officers brought be home. Finally my mom checked me into a psyciatric facility for suicide watch and rehabilitation. When iwas released I moved into a friends house and become a heavy drinker I started dating an older man (23) when I was 16. Then at 17 found out I was pregnant again with a beautiful baby girl. My whole pregnancy he was in prison. I had her one week before my 18th birthday with no home no nothing. I am now 20 years old expecting baby number 2 with my loving bf. All though he is not my daughters (now 2) father blood couldnt make them closer. I live in.a beautiful home and am a stay at home mom I have nt touched drugs or alchol in 2 years. What Im tryin to say is life throws you curve balls u can run and hide or u can catch them and throw them back. You can do it no matter who u are where u been or were u think u are going you make your life your own. I am so happy I got to share my story I beileve I just this moment got full closure in my life. I do not regret anything in my life I may wish things differently but never regret I love the person I am today and its all because of the person I was. If you want change only you can make it happen. Id have to say my daughter did help me she helped me come out of the deadend slump I was in. and to my angel baby mommy will always keep u in her heart and I cant wait to meet u up in heaven. May angels watch for u till then.
written by I am 25 and wanted to ask some one???????? , September 08, 2011
I am 25 and i had my first baby at 18 had sex at 17 and half well got preg. had a daughter she was born blind with catoracts and had to have surgery when she was 1 month old struggling with contacts and glassses for her. she still wears glasses and they are hard to get made, so for those teens it rough but i was a single mother worked a full time job and quit school, but i did it and u can too. MY DAD was an old fashioned man, i was scared to tell him i was even allowed to have a boy friend and i told him yeah he was made and screamed loud at me but know they are so close and abortion was not any option for me i dont believe in killing innocent life, OK know the hard part i have been with my husband for more than 5 years and i had three miscarriages the first was rh negative( a positive and negative blood types) lost 2 from working didnt know i was preg, ok know i took some birth control pills and quit to confuse the body to get preg i think i am having this systoms from pills but unsure, i have discharge that has line like snot that is old blood and spot on paper a couple time and boobs hurt for a week, is this symtoms from birth control? as for teens pregnent, no matter what do not worry about your parents they love u and they will get over it, there is help for ya out there, i can do u it and u can too. i went back to ged graduated and know going to university for criminal justice, my life is on track and improving, i am having issue in concieving a baby but time will come, dont give up on life and do what people want u to do what u think is right not for u but for the baby. good luck all with ur lives
written by marica. , September 08, 2011
wow thats pretty tuough but all i can say is keep your head up..
written by Brokensoulofexperience , September 08, 2011
I had an abortion on April 20th 2011 6 weeks pregnant because my mother beat me down with words. I regret it every day of my life. I am still with my boyfriend. But it's not worth it. The confusion the panic. I would take on so much more if I could go back and change time but I can't. I was a coward. & I let someone else persuade me to end a life. Even if financially you can't support your child adoption is an option to fall to. My boyfriend was always partying & drinking and when he found out he cleaned up. He was so hurt when I went through with the abortion. In the end yes I let someone persuade me but I made the choice. & for the next 90 years of my life I will regret it. I got a tattoo down my side in memory of my unborn child, for I will never allow myself to forget him/her. I will love that child for the rest of my life. & through all the hope in confusion this is your child whether your man is a jerk who's threatening to leave. Let him because he wouldn't have been a good father any way. Love your child with your everything. Because you don't want to live the rest of your life wishing you could love your child with your everything. 2 months after my abortion my sister had her baby. & I love that baby like my own. But it doesn't fill that hole that sits in my heart. So please take my word. From someone who knows if you do decide make sure it's your voice because if not you will regret it & hate yourself everyday like I do. Much hope from a broken soul of experience.
written by Meg11 , September 08, 2011
Hey there, I want to let you know that there are some amazing resources out there for you to look into....I think you hurt so much because you know that abortion IS the destruction of a living human, the most innocent form of life...That hurt is multiplied by the depth of love you have for your wife, you KNOW that she has to hurt and your desire is to love her, cover her and absorb some of that for her...
Here are two suggestions, Call this number 1-800-395-HELP, they will connect you with the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where there are FREE and CONFIDENTIAL Post Abortive Counseling and Education support groups, they go through a study together, open those wounds, clean them out and allow healing and forgiveness, Also there is Rachels Vinyard Retreats, http://rachelsvineyard.org/ , They have a section specifically for men as well, This may be something you and your wife can do TOGETHER....both of these suggestions allow at closing to memorialize the child(ren) in a memorial service for the purpose of closure and healing....also a great place to look into is White as Wool, http://whiteaswoolministries.org/2011/ , they have brought the healing from and memorializing of lost children to a whole new level, If you so feel, please write a Dear Becky letter where you could share more details so your needs can be more specifically known, if your wife is ever willing and wanting I am sure a letter from her could add a great deal of insight to her needs...Please check into these resources, I hope they will help you, your wife and your marriage to grow and heal in ways never expected! Meg
Here are two suggestions, Call this number 1-800-395-HELP, they will connect you with the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where there are FREE and CONFIDENTIAL Post Abortive Counseling and Education support groups, they go through a study together, open those wounds, clean them out and allow healing and forgiveness, Also there is Rachels Vinyard Retreats, http://rachelsvineyard.org/ , They have a section specifically for men as well, This may be something you and your wife can do TOGETHER....both of these suggestions allow at closing to memorialize the child(ren) in a memorial service for the purpose of closure and healing....also a great place to look into is White as Wool, http://whiteaswoolministries.org/2011/ , they have brought the healing from and memorializing of lost children to a whole new level, If you so feel, please write a Dear Becky letter where you could share more details so your needs can be more specifically known, if your wife is ever willing and wanting I am sure a letter from her could add a great deal of insight to her needs...Please check into these resources, I hope they will help you, your wife and your marriage to grow and heal in ways never expected! Meg
written by 40 n hurt , September 07, 2011
my now wife has had an abortion with her first boyfriend (we now have 3 beautiful kids) but i am a christian and even though when we got together at 18yrs old i am hurting by all this dont ask why now because it hurt at 18 but i let it go, but its always been on the backburner. i have to say abortion shouldnt happen.
written by daisie , September 06, 2011
I had a hand suction aborton last december. I as well have had panic attacks suicide threats since, what do I do now? how do i save my mental clarity??? wher can i find help???
written by dikeledi celian , September 02, 2011
dont even know what to say am schocked,motivated snd inpired at the same time.
written by grasin , August 30, 2011
hi i am grasin i am now 35weeks pregnant and i am 20yrs old..we was just same before i also use drugs and my bf want me to abort the baby when it was 12weeks..i start to think what to do and keep take drugs until i go back to my family house and told them that i am pregnant and don't know what to do they told me to keep the baby and dont fallow my bf now i am excited to see my baby..but i am sad coz we broke up when i told him that i will not kill my own child..but i learn some thing that god give me a chance to change and see the truth that the best important thing in my life is my family and the baby that he gives me...
take care and also ur baby
take care and also ur baby
written by KWANSERMORE , August 29, 2011
GUYZ M ALSO A VARSITY STUDENT N M PREGNANT...M VERY SCARED RYT NOW..MY BF LEFT D DECISION 4 ME TO DECIDE WAT I WANNA DO WITH D BABY,I LIVE VERY FAR AND MY MOM WOULD KILL ME IF SHE KNEW I WAZ PREG,SINCE SHE HAS HIGH HOPES .M FOR ME...M REALLY SCARED...DONT KNW HOW M I GONNA COPE WITH THIS M SCARED TO HV A BABY AND M ALSO SCARED TO HAVE AN ABORTION...M CONFUSED..PLZ
written by megan murray , August 29, 2011
pooor you. i hope your okay.
happy bday to you
happy bday to you
happy bday to ur unbaby
happy bday to you
x
happy bday to you
happy bday to you
happy bday to ur unbaby
happy bday to you
x
written by wingnutt , August 27, 2011
my besdt friend is pregnant and she already stop drugs and stuff. but our town is a bad town and her mom is a horrible mother. i need help to help her i dont know what to do please help i want this baby to have a good life.
written by Ashamed! , August 26, 2011
I am 22 years old and I am pregnant with my second child. My first son is four and his father is also the father to the child I am pregnant with. He recently got out of prison and basically lied to me trying to tell me how he wanted to see if our family could work.. I eventually gave in and consequently I am six weeks pregnant. I am a full time college student who will graduate next December and have a lot of big plans, but having an abortion isn't one. The father begs me too and tells me how he isn't going to stick around if I don't have the abortion he is going to be upset. I feel like I do not have a choose and I do not want to have an abortion but can't afford another child but the thought of an abortion kills me! I now wish I can just miscarry the baby to avoid all of this. I wish this was a big dream I feel like I just ruined my life , plus his bc all he say was this is a big mistake.
written by Meg11 , August 26, 2011
My name is Meg and I came across your story here in the comments! I just want you to know that you are not alone in your thoughts....I think we have ALL had that moment where we feel if we continue in our pregnancy that we will not be able to support our baby, that we would rather bear the regret of abortion than watch our child suffer before our eyes....This is what I have to say to those fears...WHO PUT THEM THERE? Is it NOT the Women's Liberation Groups out there telling us that "WE ARE STRONG" "WE ARE EQUAL" "NOTHING CAN STOP US IF WE ARE DETERMINED" "WE ARE VICTORIOUS" Etc etc on and on...right? But sadly it is also those same organizations of POWERFUL STRONG women telling us that "having a baby will ruin your life" "you will NEVER have a career" "you will HAVE to drop out", as a mater of fact I watched a video clip of a women representing a major abortion chain before the senate, she said and I quote "If we lose the funding to this clinic women out there will be forced to feed their children ramen noodles for dinner" WOW...Are you going to let them tell you that you are incapable of cooking? Are you going to let that fear convince you that you are not STRONG? Love says, I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person, abortion says, I sacrifice my child to better myself....Abortion is a lie though...you may think, just like all the other wounded women on the earth, that you can handle it, it won't affect you the same, it will be a quick fix etc...It is NOT...it is quick, soooo quick in fact that you don't have time to change your mind, the recovery however lasts a lifetime...you will have so much time to regret, to wish, to be willing to give anything to take it back...this I can tell you for a fact, I have lived it and walked it...If you keep this baby, YOUR flesh and blood, YOUR child, there is a TON of help out there for you, Grants, Food, Clothing, Medical help, etc...endless amounts of help at the tips of your fingers, you will NOT be alone, There is sooo much support for you, this baby will drive you to get good grades, this baby will give you purpose and motivation to be your best and you will be, it will take time, it will be hard but you WILL be rewarded, when you see your baby for the first time, hold him/her in your arms, all the fear will fade, even if it is just briefly, it will dissipate, during those intimate bonding times in the newborn stage that fear will turn into STRENGTH! You just have to be willing....Don't sacrifice yourself and your baby for a lie...You CAN do this, and you can do it WELL! I am here if you want to talk more...I have been there, I raised 2 kids on my own for 4 1/2 years...I would NOT be where I am now, Happily married (not to either of their dads), I have 4 kids, I own my own home, I am a stay home mom and my children love me....What better can you find out there in exchange for your own child's life? Come on sweetie...Stand Up...Give this precious life a chance! Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com
written by Precious shabane , August 24, 2011
It gud sumtymz it bd hlp me guyz im pregnant nd my bf dnt knw a bout ds ,so i thnk 2 abort my child
written by North Canton, Ohio , August 23, 2011
Well, I've as well been hit with some devestating news. I'm 18 currently unemployed but enrolled in college with a major in nursing. I took a plan b the day after concieving but a month and a half passed and 2 missed periods did, as well. My family is not supportive AT ALL. I was raised by my grandparents therefor they're not looking at helping whatsoever. I have had an interview at a job but haven't recieved a cal back. I feel if I were to continue with the pregnancy, I wouldn't be able to completely support my child. I'd love my child without a regret if I were to bring it into the world, but I feel that I would rather end it early than to struggle supporting a child that deserves everything I never had. I come from a christian family but my family is pressing for me to get an abortion early while it's still an embryo. I feel that this is/ might be the best decision in my young adult life right now. But I'm scared I'll regret it later when I have another child. I have no way, financially, to raise this child. I don't want to have a continuous struggle for the next 20 years. My child wouldn't deserve it. Any thoughts/ideas?
written by princess trenally , August 21, 2011
guys as i was going through your messages they were so touching and i just want to tell you that' have you ever had a moment where by you think of the things you have done when you were told not to do it? if i were to fall pregnant i will keep it and that will be an opportunity of a life time to keep something that i will call mine in this world. if you have ever done abortion i will not blame nor judge you but that will be learning through a hard lesson. please if your mother never throw you away; why would you want to throw away an innocent life.
written by KellieC , August 19, 2011
These stories make me so sad. I was a teen mom, I got pregnant a few months after my 16th birthday. The father begged for an abortion and when I told him I couldn't he turned away. I was terrified of telling my parents because I couldn't deal with the anger and disappointment. When I finally did tell my mom she was surprisingly calm. I will never forget how relieved I was(and surprised) at her reaction. For you who are going through this now I understand the anxiety and the fear but know that you can do it. My daughter was born on Valentine's day and while I hoped for a while that her father would change his mind he did not. I was a single mom until she was 4 and I met my husband. Being a young mom, especially a single one, is no easy task but if it is the path you choose you will have a wonderful gift. Adoption is a great alternative. Do not let the fear of other people judging you make the decision for you. Sadly my husband and I want another baby and we can't get pregnant so I understand the pain of wanting a baby far too much. Good luck to you out there who are dealing with this stressful situation but remember that its not the end of the world and you are more capable than you think.
written by BR , August 19, 2011
you have given me more courage to keep my baby.am at university but pregnant and willing to go through any thing to keep my baby because i really need it even if my boyfriend is against it
written by shocked , August 18, 2011
I dnt understand why girls are so careless, I once was a careless girl my self but I learnt the had way to take safety precautions. am now a very responsible married woman with a 4yr old. cant say I knw how u feel right now coz I never had an arbotion but i expirienced having STI's a couple of times and at sume point had to undergo surgery because of that. but I thank God every day that through it all he protected me and Iam HIV-... PLS GUYS PLAY SAFE U HAVE UR WHOLE FUTURE AHEAD OF YOU written by Rosiem , August 17, 2011
Mpumie,
You are strong for knowing what you want and you are beautiful.
You are strong for knowing what you want and you are beautiful.
written by Chyna , August 16, 2011
haey mpumie,
i say it doesnt matter what your boyfriend thinks , i think you should be exciteed because you are bringing a new life into this world . I think you should keep baba because your life would be different , in a GOOD way
, x
i say it doesnt matter what your boyfriend thinks , i think you should be exciteed because you are bringing a new life into this world . I think you should keep baba because your life would be different , in a GOOD way
, x written by mpumie , August 15, 2011
Iam almost faced with the situation u were faced with am not sure if i shud have the abortion or not coz my boyfriend doesn't want the child but then i think who will be left with all this guilt
written by Meg11 , August 14, 2011
Dear Collette, Sometimes our parents will freak out, sometimes they will push for an abortion...that does NOT mean that you have to get one...there are so many helps and resources out there...please call this number, 1-800-395-HELP, they will give you the contact info for the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where you can get FREE and CONFIDENTIAL help...they can walk through this with you side by side and help you in this decision making process...we here at Standupgirl.com are here for you as well, to support you, be a friend and share our stories and advice...it is not always easy but anything is possible when you Stand Up! Much Love and I hope to hear back from you...Meg, meg@standupgirl.com
written by collette , August 14, 2011
Hi, I'm 16 and pregnant I don't even know what to say here because I don't know what to do I don't know how to deal with this, my mum will kill me and she will want me to get an aborsion but I can't do that...I just need to talk to someone about it and get some help
written by Ashleii , August 03, 2011
This was very touching to read, I teared up.
It made me think what I am going through. I am 14 (almost 15) and pregnant, about 6 months. At first me and my boyfriend planned this, but now that it had happened we don't really know. We were talking about abortion, but now I don't even think we can (too far along) I also don't think I would. My biggest fear right now is telling my mom. I am nto showing that much, so no one except my boyfriend knows. When the time comes to tell my mom I am scared the things she is going to think, say and how she is going to act apon it.
I know what I did was wrong, but at one time it was something we wanted. There's a lot more detail with my story.
I am going to the Teeth Health Center with my boyfriend to talk to someone on Sunday.. I am hoping everything goes well, for further adive, and maybe see just how far a long I am and if the baby is okay.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months, and I think he'd make the cutest, and a really good father (:
I made him feel the baby kick once, and his face was priceless.
Thank you for writing your story here, it really helped to read this, with me beng so frustrated and stressed out.
I don't think I'd be able to live with myself knowing each and every day I took away the life of my own child either.
But I look up to you for doing what you did and in the end being so strong. (:
It made me think what I am going through. I am 14 (almost 15) and pregnant, about 6 months. At first me and my boyfriend planned this, but now that it had happened we don't really know. We were talking about abortion, but now I don't even think we can (too far along) I also don't think I would. My biggest fear right now is telling my mom. I am nto showing that much, so no one except my boyfriend knows. When the time comes to tell my mom I am scared the things she is going to think, say and how she is going to act apon it.
I know what I did was wrong, but at one time it was something we wanted. There's a lot more detail with my story.
I am going to the Teeth Health Center with my boyfriend to talk to someone on Sunday.. I am hoping everything goes well, for further adive, and maybe see just how far a long I am and if the baby is okay.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months, and I think he'd make the cutest, and a really good father (:
I made him feel the baby kick once, and his face was priceless.
Thank you for writing your story here, it really helped to read this, with me beng so frustrated and stressed out.
I don't think I'd be able to live with myself knowing each and every day I took away the life of my own child either.
But I look up to you for doing what you did and in the end being so strong. (:
Thank you for commenting on this article post. Remember, if you have a personal question, writing a Dear Becky letter and or posting in the forums is the only way to ensure a fast and specific answer from one of our Stand Up Girls. Thank you!
"I so believe that it is incredibly important because I see a lot of my generation being ripped off in this area, really thrown a lie that you can do whatever feels good, just please yourself, and they are not talking about the consequences."
"Standup Girl:
