I Knew I Would Regret It
Monday, January 10:
hey becky, im katya and im 17 years old. i found out that i was pregnant about 2 weeks ago. i have decided not to tell my parents about my pregnancy because i feel like i will dissapoint them so much. my boyfriends mom has been there for me every single day, because she was in the same position im in now, only when she was 16. my boyfriend watches me cry every single day because im so torn between keeping my baby or killing it. ever since i was a little girl i have dreamed about being a mother, i used to love to baby sit, and play with my aunts kids. i made my appointment to get a termination this morning, im so heart broken. i have thought about adoption, but i would not be able to give my baby up, esspecially after every thing i had to go through when i was given up for adoption. i just wanted to tell someone how i was feeling. because i walk around my house acting like everything is perfect, so my parents wont notice anything. but i just wish so bad that they would just tell me that they would be okay with me being pregnant, and that i could keep my baby. i already know that i will regret it, but its the best decision i can make for myself right now
Hey there, My name is Meg and I help Becky out on Standupgirl.com, I came across your letter in the inbox and I really wanted to touch base with you, I know you have probably been contacted by now but I can't stop thinking about your letter. I had a dream last night that there was a girl standing next to me, she was looking at a picture on the table of another pregnant girl who was going to have an abortion, she kept putting her hands on her own tummy questioning herself, she saw me crying and physically upset about this other girl in the picture and she came up and put her hand on my shoulder and said "I am going to tell my parents that I am pregnant and no matter what happens this baby is going to live" I have no idea if that part of my dream was from your email but I can't stop thinking about it so I decided to write you and follow up to see how you are....I am here for you, I got pregnant right out of highschool, single and confused, you are not alone and if you have no one else in the world just know that I will be here to support you and help you along...please write me back to let me know you got this letter and to share how you are doing....untill then, much love....meg
Friday, January 29,
Have you come closer to a decision? I mean abortion is permanent, babies grow up and become easier to care for....I just want you to know I am here for you....Love Meg
Monday, February 8,
hey, im doing okay, my appointment is on tuesday, and im extremly nervous and scared. thank you for checking up on me
Have you thought about canceling your appt? What is the one thing that makes you want an abortion and the one thing that makes you hesitate? What are you most nervous about? Love Meg
Wednesday, Febuary 10,
i'm not going to cancel my appointment, im not ready for a responsibility like having a child. the only thing that im nervous about is that i know that i will regret it in the future. and i feel really bad about not giving the little baby inside me a chance to live. but i guess im choosing to be selfish, and its the right decision right now.
I am so sorry for what you are going through right now, you know I jsut recently talked with another girl in your same shoes, she didn't cancel her appt either, it took about 3 weeks before she hit rock bottom and now she is so desperate to have her baby back, they always say that hind sight is 20/20 and that once you look back, all the fears have an answer...honey, if you know that you will regret it, why do you want to go through with it? The thing that is really hard through an email is that you cannot hear my voice, picture the two of us sitting next to each other on a soft couch in a warm room, there is a candle burning and we both have a cup of tea or cocoa, my voice is soft and gentle and I am talking with you not at you....I am next to you, not standing over you, I reach over and place my hand firmly on yours and look you in the eye with love and gentleness and understanding, with that said I want to tell you again that this does not have to be your way out...don't ignore that little voice saying let me live, give me a chance, please mommy Stand Up...there is a reason you wrote a letter, you wanted to have your fears and your hesitation confirmed, I am here as your scape goat, I am that one person who will tell you that it is ok to keep your baby or place him/her with another family but you know that ending the life of this baby, your baby is not the answer...abortion is a self destructive action, it is a temporary "fix" but it is going to come back and bite you so hard and I don't want you to have to carry that burden on your shoulders for the rest of your life the way my other new friend now has to....if she were writing you right now she would say, please listen to Meg, I didn't, give your child the chance that I did not, the chance to smile, laugh, enjoy the warmth of sunshine, the taste and sensation of eating ice cream...I am here for you step by step just please consider what I have to share with you and do not ignore that plea coming from within you....Love Meg
Wednesday, February 17
hi, im katya, and i have emailed you before. about 3 weeks ago. telling you that i was pregnant and thinking about an abortion. i was going through such a hard time trying to figure out if its what i really wanted to do. i cried every night, thinking about having to kill the baby that is in my tummy, connected to me, through blood. my own child.i had my abortion yesterday. the day after my 18th birthday. i started crying when they were doing the proceedure. i am so heart broken. i knew i would regret it, but i didnt know it would be this hard. and i didnt know that i would ever want her back in my tummy. i came out of the hospital room, my boyfriend and his mom were sitting there, waiting for me. and i acted like everything was fine, like i was happy with the decision i made. im still putting on a smiling face everytime im around them, because for the past month and a half they have been telling me that if i wanted to change my mind, keep my baby, they would be behind me 100%. i though i was making the right choice, for me, and my life. but i really think i made the wrong decision, and its killing me, knowing im going to having to live with it for the rest of my life. i want her back
Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry....I wish I could be there with you to give you my shoulder to cry on....sometimes we are so blinded by fear when we come to making a decision that no one has the right words to reach us and it is only after making a wrong choice that we are able to see that it was the wrong one, sometimes it can be reversed but with the issue of abortion it is permanent and I am grieving for you that it is irreversible....you need to know that you have every right to grieve and feel remorse, just because it was your choice and your decision does not mean that you have to wear a happy face for everyone...after my husband and I were married I was really upset one night, I threw something and it hit one of our wedding gifts and it broke...I made a bad choice, I did the wrong thing, I felt stupid, I could not take it back and even with superglue that gift will never be whole again....I felt like I had no right to be upset about it being broken because after all it was my fault, I know for you the situation is so much more serious, important and costly then what I lost/broke but I want you to know that I understand what it feels like to make wrong choices and have to live with the consequences while feeling trapped like you have no right to grieve or be upset....if you feel like crying, please do so, I will never despise your tears, if you feel like screaming, go outside by yourself or let it out in your pillow or when no one else is home, don't hold it in, if you are having a good day, do not feel ashamed to smile....grief is a crazy process you may feel a wave of different emotions all throughout the day, may I ask a question? Do you live in the USA? If so here is a number that you can call for FREE and CONFIDENTIAL counseling....1-800-395-HELP, they can give you the info to contact a local Pregnancy Resource Center to you and there are women who volunteer there who have had abortions and they help with counseling....it may be a good start for you, I am here as well, every step of the way, I need you to know that I care and if I were there beside you right now I would wrap my arms around you and hold you as long as you let me.....I would cry with you and be an ear for you to talk to, I would respect your silence and I would open my heart to you and let you know that you are not alone in this battle, I have not aborted but I have been through so much garbage and I have lived with many bad choices I have made....I hope to hear back from you soon, let me be a help, let me walk this rough road with you, you do not have to hurt or suffer alone sweetie!!
Love, Meg
meg@standupgirl.com
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written by sad , November 17, 2010
written by inlifeurearly , October 25, 2010
written by zackysmommy19 , September 27, 2010
dont make a decision that your going to have to find a way to live with for the rest of your life based on someone elses opinion. when you tell them your pregnant they either need to accept it or leave them in the dust you want your child keep him or her im sure you will be a great mother trust me i was 17 when i got pregnant with my son i was sworn in the marines and just waiting till september for basic because i had to graduate first i was 17 when i found out i had him sept 30th and im telling you i wouldnt change my decision for a minute!! he looks at me with his brown eyes and smiles he does the darndest things that i would never have seen if i gave him up yes its life changing but i tell you what its well worth it.. my family was so disappointed they wouldnt even talk to me!! but they broke down when he almost died during labor and i had to have an emergency c setion because he went into fetal distress.. if they love you eventually they will accept it!! things you would miss you be the things him/her do for example i got up one morning and my son was sitting waist down in the toilet.. i mean its gross but funny all in one ok trust me when you see that bundle of joy and as him/her get older and they do the funniest things im telling you you will be so happy that you basically told your family to kiss ur bum and and stood up for yourself and your child.. i was afraid i would make nothing of myself.. i make 25 an hour and have good benefits you can do anything you put your mind to and as long as you have someone or something you love more than life its self anything is possible for them!
written by demean10-23-2009 , July 22, 2010
written by Durant , May 03, 2010
written by Lelanè , May 01, 2010
The only advice i can give is to take it day by day and to be strong and know that you are never alone...
written by fiorini , April 27, 2010
written by bernardette.x , April 17, 2010
i went through exactly what you are going through.
i went through it nearly two years ago.
although i was only 15 years old.
16 when i had the abortion.
i think of my little girl every single day, and now even have her name tattooed on me.
last december i overdosed because it would of been her first birthday,
but that didnt help anything.
you have to stay strong sweetheart, even when you just want to fall and stay there.
because in a few years, things will change. they have for me. and i never believed anyone when they said time will help you heal.
my family has already started, it started two years ago. just my baby is not with me anymore.
i am still with my baby daddy. so i guess thats helped me a bit.
but i know you can do this.
im always here if you want to chat
lots of love,
b x
written by lostinregret25 , April 16, 2010
written by Durant , March 24, 2010
written by Nina3 , March 24, 2010
written by emma_11 , March 19, 2010
written by Apearso4 , March 18, 2010
written by Durant , March 18, 2010
its your decision and you will make the right choice..
xxx
written by Nina3 , March 18, 2010
Get rid of the boyfriend not the baby. I am sure you will regret it and you will always resent him. I do not feel pain and regret because I am a weak person. I feel it because it's normal to feel it. Your boyfriend is selfish and frightened, but that's no reason to end the baby's life.
written by lovelylittleJuliee , March 12, 2010
written by Nina3 , March 09, 2010
written by Teresa_W , March 09, 2010
Please know that I will pray for you. I am sure that it is tough, but fear is only going to have as much power as you let it have. I will pray for you so that, even if you are afraid, you have the courage to choose life. Talk to counselors - don't be afraid! God is with you!
I will pray for you girl.
Don't go through the pain again - please choose life, Kea!
Teresa
There is a pregnancy help line you can call at this link http://www.prolifewisconsin.org/needHelp.asp
God bless you!
written by livingwithregret , March 07, 2010
I know that our society looks down on teenage pregnancy...I am not saying it is the best decision...but it is part of life..pregnancy and birth...not everyone has the ideal situation to finish college, get married and then have a baby.
The love for your child is the strongest emotion that could exist. Stronger than the love for your pet, boyfriend or parents.
Katya- I hope that you go out and get some birth control.They have birth control that can last up to 5 years. If you do get pregnant again which most girls that have an abortion 1 time do...I hope that you keep your baby..You will NEVER regret keeping your baby but if you have an abortion you WILL regret it for the rest of your life.
written by Nina3 , March 07, 2010
written by erinashleyholt , March 03, 2010
written by kim123418 , March 03, 2010
Thank you for commenting on this article post. Remember, if you have a personal question, writing a Dear Becky letter and or posting in the forums is the only way to ensure a fast and specific answer from one of our Stand Up Girls. Thank you!
"I so believe that it is incredibly important because I see a lot of my generation being ripped off in this area, really thrown a lie that you can do whatever feels good, just please yourself, and they are not talking about the consequences."
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