Think About What YOU Want
Dear Becky,
I'm glad that I came across this website to see so many girls from all over the country share their stories, whether it was inspiring or sad, and now I'm writing to share my own..
I found out I was pregnant when I was 17, a senior in high school, I was already at the end of my high school career and was graduating in 2 months. When I found out I was pregnant after taking 4 home pregnancy tests and one at a hospital, it was undeniable that there was a little life growing inside me. I had no idea what to do, my boyfriend at the time did not want to keep the baby, his reason was that we weren't going to be able to support it and if I did, he was going to leave me. My mother didn't want me to keep it either, saying that I was going to be tied down... As for me? I wanted to keep it.
The day came when I went in for an ultrasound, the doctor said I was about 9 weeks and when she showed me where the heart is, I just broke down. I didn't know what I want because I didn't want to give my baby a hard life to live, I wanted to be able to support my family and be able to provide him or her whatever they needed.... I was then referred to a local abortion clinic. Before I actually go through with the surgery, I was scheduled for another ultrasound, but this time, they told me I was actually 15 weeks and a half... Way longer than it should've been. I looked at the baby, how grown it looked like and how much I wanted it, and how I couldn't have it.
I had the abortion at 16 weeks exactly.
It was the most painful thing I have ever had to go through, and it wasn't any physical pain at all, it was an emotional pain. I felt lost, I felt like a part of me has left and I felt no emotions at all. I was so sad, sad to the point where I couldn't even cry.
It's been almost a year now since I had an abortion, and there's not one day I don't think about my baby, what if I kept it, what it I just didn't give a damn about no one else and just kept it... My baby would have been about two months old now. All the what if's just won't leave me.
This is something that I will never be able to live it down. Even though I might have made the right decision in many's eyes, based on the reason how I wouldn't have been able to provide the child, how I would've been a single teen mother, how I would have been tied down and struggling... In my eyes, I could've done it. I knew it deep in my heart back then but all the other voices got to me and made me feel like I couldn't. I want to let those who are in the same situation or a similar situation as me to know that abortion is not something you can just do and forget about, it's an experience, a sad sad experience you will have to live with for the rest of your life.
If you are hesitant for even just one second about having an abortion, please, please, think about it. Think about what YOU want... Not what others want. Think about what YOU are capable of doing, not what others think you are capable of.
Please know that there is healing available and you can access many sources of help on the Stand Up Girl website under “Girl Help”.
Thank you so so very much for sharing your heart with us at the Stand Up Girl website. I know that your letter will make a difference in so many hearts after they read your story.
Luv Lisa
lisa@standupgirl.com
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Thank you for sharing your story
-Kat
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"I so believe that it is incredibly important because I see a lot of my generation being ripped off in this area, really thrown a lie that you can do whatever feels good, just please yourself, and they are not talking about the consequences."
"Standup Girl:
When I went into the clinic for a pregnancy test, and they told me I was pregnant I was about 9 weeks.
I'm at about 12 weeks now, I still have to go in for an ultra sound and blood work because I am planning on having an abortion.
Its kind of reassuring knowing so many other people have gone through exactly what you have and are willing to talk to you about it.
My parents don't know, and could never know because they told me if I was to ever get pregnant, I couldn't have an abortion and I could not give it up for adoption because it wouldn't be fair for the baby to grow up not knowing who its real parents are and wondering why there mommy would just give him or her away, and walking around the house acting as if everythings great and dandy is hard.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we both agreed on abortion and has also told me if I was to have the baby he would leave.
I'm only in grade 11 right now, and I don't think its the right time to have a child but I think about it everyday. Maybe its that part of me that keeps putting off the blood work and the ultra sound because I need to get those done before I get referred to an abortion clinic.
I think if I was with someone who told me they would be there for me no matter what, and was alot more supportive about having a baby I would have this baby. But my relationship with my boyfriend means to much to me. I always think about what I'll feel like after the abortion, whether I'll feel guilty or feel relief?