Let Your Beauty Shine
Letter Achives
“Second Virginity? What on earth is that?”
I first heard the term a couple years ago, from a friend who belongs to a boisterous Evangelical Christian youth group. To me, it sounded silly, not to mention biologically impossible! After all, you can’t get your virginity back, once you’ve lost it. You might as well try to get back your baby teeth!
“Second Virginity? What on earth is that?”
I first heard the term a couple years ago, from a friend who belongs to a boisterous Evangelical Christian youth group. To me, it sounded silly, not to mention biologically impossible! After all, you can’t get your virginity back, once you’ve lost it. You might as well try to get back your baby teeth!
But I’m starting to hear about “Second Virginity” everywhere. It is a
term that a growing number of young men and woman are using for a
commitment to stop having sex until they are married. These young men
and women have all kinds of religious, racial, and cultural
backgrounds. Many of them are not religious at all. They have made this
commitment because they are dissatisfied with the lifestyle of easy sex.
Perhaps you have experienced some pain and dissatisfaction yourself,
perhaps a disease, emotional heartache, or low-self esteem? Maybe you
feel that sex is becoming a commonplace and dull. Maybe you’ve had a
baby, or two babies, or you’re living with your boyfriend and you’re
afraid to lose him? Maybe you feel that there’s no point, because
you’ve already “lost” your virginity?
While you can’t become a virgin in the physical sense, it’s never too
late to enjoy the freedom of chastity. And it is so worth it. Many
girls feel guilty and have low self-esteem when it comes to their
sexuality, because they were raped or pressured into having sex before
they were ready. If this has happened to you, you are not alone. You
can join your sisters out there who have decided to wait until
marriage, and make your next experience of sex special and beautiful.
Practicing chastity gives your body a chance to heal from any
trauma that may have arisen from sexual encounters, diseases, abortion,
or pregnancy. It builds your confidence in yourself. It brings peace of
mind. And when you get married, it makes your sexual relationship very
special.
Marriage is a safe, happy, and peaceful environment for sex. My husband
and I can love each other with our whole heart, without fear that the
other might cheat or find somebody more attractive. This total trust is
the key to a strong relationship. I don’t have a nagging little fear
that he will get me pregnant. For us, a baby is a welcome and happy
occasion because we are emotionally prepared. I know he will not give
me any disease that he might have picked up from a previous partner.
Before we met, he was waiting for me too.
It might sound impossible to change your lifestyle, to live without
sex, but it's not! There are lots of good guys out there who are
waiting to meet the right girl, and are prepared to be committed for
life. I beg you, wait for that guy! He is worth waiting for!
“Second virginity” is not just abstaining from sex. It is an attitude
of the heart. The attitude is, “I am worth waiting for” “I belong
to my True Love” “He is worth waiting for.” It’s the attitude that I
try to maintain even now that I am married. (Married people have to be
pure of heart too!) This, and not an intact hymen, is what really
counts. Britney Spears might have been a virgin before she was married,
but....was she really practicing chastity?
Chastity is a lifestyle. To stick to your commitment, you may have to
ask yourself, “What do my clothes say about me?” Do they say “Take me,
I’m available”? Or do they say, “I am more than just a body”? Don’t
believe the women’s magazines that say that every guy is after sex, and
the only way to get a good guy is to wear clothes that reveal your
body. Nothing could be further from the truth. Good guys find
themselves more attracted to modest women. He falls in love with you
for who you are, not just for your sexy body. A man who falls in love
with your beauty, your personality, your inner strengths, and all the
things that come together to make you, will recognise that these are
the qualities that last. He is going to want to stay with you.
Modesty does not mean “frumpy.” When I have daughters, I’m going to
tell them “Let your beauty shine!” Be fashionable, be funky, spicy,
elegant, fabulous, or all of the above! Modesty does not mean hiding in
a cupboard instead of going out with your friends. It does not mean
making yourself deliberately unattractive. Nor does it mean acting
flirtatiously available with every guy that catches our eye. A modest
demeanor means being your own, genuine self.
The best thing about “second virginity” is the present you
give to your husband, and he to you, on your wedding night. There’s no
greater gift you can give a person than your body, because your body is
you. Choosing chastity now is like wrapping yourself up again in
beautiful wrapping paper, so that your husband can know that you loved
him before you even met. And what a present! Polls tell us that married
people who stay together have better sex than anyone else.
A religious post script:
When I was fifteen I started praying for my husband. I didn’t know who
he was or where he was, but I knew he was out there. Little did I know,
at that very time, hundreds of miles away, a wild, wayward seventeen
year old boy began to commit himself to chastity. He had to give up a
lot of bad habits, and he didn’t have anyone to show him the way, but
he grew strong and he is now the most wonderful man. We got married in
2004. I believe that God has a plan for everyone’s life, that He can
heal memories, give new resolve, and bring even the most lost and
broken hearts to true happiness.
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