End of the Story?
It wasn't meant to happen. I was in a foreign country. I was lonely. My friend who I was staying with had sent me off with his friend so he could invite some body around for sex. He'd been cutting me off for a lot of the time that I stayed with him. I went out with this friend, we had a few drinks, got back home, and due to space, were to share a bed together. We shared a bottle of vodka between us whilst talking about how crap we both felt, how lonely we both were in different ways, and got very emotional. I don't remember how it happened, but we ended up having unprotected sex.
I awoke the next morning, panicking. My pants and pyjama bottoms were missing, and I remembered what had happened. I ran over to find my pants and some trousers whilst he lay sleeping, and I got back into bed, filled with worries about what would happen. I knew that there was a 95% chance that I was ovulating after doing the maths relating to my period. I knew that in a short space of time, I would be pregnant. What was I going to do? What would I tell my parents? I would have to give up education, how was I going afford to keep this baby? Where would we live? Also, the soon to be father lived in Poland. Would I move here? As a young Muslim girl, my Family would never accept me. My mother and father would, but the rest of the family wouldn't.
So lying in that bed, I made a decision. I would get the contraceptive pill. When he woke up, and my friend had come out of his room, I explained what happened to the guy I slept with in whispers. A panicked stricken expression crossed his face. He went out to buy hang over cures because he needed to think. I went out later to buy crisps because I needed to think. We later went out together. On our own. It was my last night in Poland and I wanted to cry. We decided that I would get the contraceptive pill. I couldn't get it there without having to pay alot, so I decided I would wait till the day after I landed in England.
Flying back to the UK, I felt guilty, confused, scared, worried, ashamed. It was the worst journey of my life. I kept thinking that I wanted this baby, but I couldn't keep it. I had to take the pill.
So the next morning, New Years Eve, I ran to the local sexual health clinic to get access to the morning after pill. I was told it was 50% affective after 54 hours, when I went to get it. I was frightened, but took it anyway. Low and behold, my period came earlier, and pregnancy tests showed negative.
That's all, end of the story.
Only it isn't, is it? I wish I had never taken the pill. I regret it each day. I wake up every night in cold sweats thinking about the child that could have been. I see other peoples children, and yearn for one of my own. Not only that, I yearn for THAT baby. The baby that never was.
I hope others can learn from my mistakes, and not repeat them.
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written by vikram , May 08, 2012
written by MBB , May 08, 2012
Just wondering how you are???
Here if you want to talk!!
Love lots and Bless you
xoxoxox
written by MB , May 08, 2012
I think this is a good place to call...option line!!!
Love you lots and
Bless you
Maria xoxox
written by heartbroken , May 03, 2012
written by littlemisskekz , August 10, 2010
. even tho i dont know you now all i can think about is a girl thats sitting there in agony because of what you've done.. But ill tell you something.. ive been with my partner for a year and a half, during which time we have been having unprotected sex (not trying for a baby because were only young, just being careless). On average we'd have sex everyday, during every part of my cycle. nd its not until now that ive actually fallen pregnant.
so i think its unlikely that you could have fallen pregnant this time, dont beat yourself up about it, one day your going to have a beautiful family, i promise
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