Sorry Isn't Good Enough
I met my boyfriend 9 and a half months ago and ever since that day I've never been happier. He has saved me from depression and sorrow. My mum left my dad about 1 year ago, took most of everything my dad had in his house and took my sister away from me. I chose to live with my dad, and help him through this. It was one of the saddest moments of my life having to watch my dad cry most nights, its the hardest thing to watch a man cry. We kept each other going but we were both struggling. until I met Matt and he seemed to go out and socialize lots more. Life was heading to normality. Besotted by Matt, I struggled to leave him every night, I hated to sleep with out him. it didn't feel normal. So I moved in with Matt. Months went passed and I've never felt more comfortable with anyone in my life.
He made me feel like I was the only women in the world. He always calls me 'blue eyes' because he tells me that was one of the first things he noticed when he met me. Sex wasn't just sex with him. I found tears run down my face sometimes, not because it hurt or because I was sad, because I felt such a connection and such love it completely overwhelmed me. 6 months flew by and I was feeling a bit down for a couple of weeks. I had missed a few pills so I thought I was due on my period but that wasn't it. I felt different. so different that I knew what had happened. Every morning I had the worse nausea, not being sick but the feeling of it. I just knew. I left it a week and thought, I've just got to get one. I'll never forget driving into town, reassuring myself that I wasn't, when I just knew that I was. What am I going to do? I could hardly see the road with the amount of tears running down my eyes. I took one as I went home and there...... two stripes staring at me. I broke down, and fell to my knees.
I convinced myself abortion is the right thing, do I even know what I'm saying? I'm so against abortion? why am i doing this? but I was just so scared. I didn't tell anyone, me and Matt were to do this alone. I booked my appointment and went to the hospital for my scan, just sitting there holding my stomach thinking how big are you? are you a boy? girl? are you ok? sitting in the waiting room, white walls, people talking and laughing, is this nothing to you? do you enjoy this? killing your child? This was so upsetting for me, I couldn't understand, how can people find this so easy. I was called in eventually..... 8 weeks 4 days. I took the pill option thinking it would be the best....
So I took my first pill, alone with no one with me. I put it in my mouth.I could feel my self welling up just thinking , this is it. I came back on the Saturday, preparing my self for what was about to come, but I realized nothing could have prepared me. 4 tablets were inserted and one in my bum, and I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I went back and sat down in my chair, but within half an hour the pain was horrific, the cramps and pain in my stomach was the worst i have ever felt. Tears filling my eyes, I had to get some help.I stumbled out of my chamber and screamed a doctor, the pain at this point felt like it was killing me, blood all over the floor,I felt embarrassed and scared of what was happening to me. She gave me a major pain killer, which she only gives people in serious pain, but I said that was in so much pain, I was desperate. I suddenly felt so tired, almost hallucinating. It made me drowsy and helped the pain die down. I was woken by the nurse as blood was going through my clothes on to the bed. I went to the toilet and emptied everything into the box where the doctors took away and examined. I stopped dead. I had done this 5 times already but something was different. I looked and there.... I saw you. I saw fingers and curled up toes, a eye. and a little heart. you were so small. my child there. fixed in my memory. I could feel my heart tear,I felt sick and almost fainted, the doctors were so kind, but I felt lost and alone. Guilt rushed over me. I was the first person to finish my abortion and the first to let go. I just wonder where you are. I just wonder who you would have been. Like me, like your dad. would you have been amazing at sport. Would you have his eyes or mine, his nose, my hair. Would you snort when you laugh like I do, would you be cheeky or shy, would you be tall or short. I pray to God that one day I will meet you, and be the mother I should have been to you. I didn't even give you a chance. sorry isn't good enough. I love you. forever. wherever you are...
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written by govi , May 17, 2012
we all are with you ok love you take care written by E,Jay , May 11, 2012
written by isabellainuzuka , May 11, 2012
written by sne , April 30, 2012
I was about to do the same thing but after your story i cant do it. thank tou somuch
written by Aaliya , April 28, 2012
written by Nemutavhani Owen , April 27, 2012
written by dece jhenn , April 25, 2012
i like your story.. i hope this will be a lesson to all of us teens.. i know u've done a wrong decision but change doesn't end yet.God sees and i know He will help you improve and give you the courage to never have it in your life, just look up to God and pray more ...
God bless us All.God loves us so much
written by Michael Bowen , April 21, 2012
written by CallieS. , January 30, 2011
written by GivesEverything92 , January 27, 2011
written by Mrs.Colquitt , January 17, 2011
I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss.I was pregnant at 15 and gave birth to 3 beautiful sleeping angels.And then at 17 I was given another chance to be a mom.I took it.I have the most amazing little boy.He is one now and along with his father is the light of my life.I know that so many young girls out there choose to abort their baby because they don't think they can go through with parenting it.I can't judge because when I was 15 I thought the same thing most young girls do.Can I be a good mommy to this little baby?And I didn't think it possible to be a good mom so young.I was wrong.I am a good mom to my son dispite my age.I hope that you get another chance like I did,and that you take it.Because it will be the best thing in the world.Again I am sorry for your loss.
written by valkyrie , January 15, 2011
i'm so glad somebody stopped me,, i won't be able to feel the pain you felt,, im so sorry about it,, i pray that you'll be ok soon,,
written by sarahbutterfly , January 11, 2011
written by keneth , December 05, 2010
written by elle-bliss , December 05, 2010
written by zoe.love , November 11, 2010
blessed be.
written by Becca Spencer , November 05, 2010
written by Wishingx , October 06, 2010
written by kaptein , September 07, 2010
i know exactly what you are going through. when in 2002 i fell pregnant, my then boyfriend said he wanted a child so we tried and i fell pregnant. when i told him he said it was not his and i must get an abortion. when i told my dad he said the same. we went the first time and they could not pick up the heart beat and didnt want to go through with it. two weeks later i went back and the abortion was done. a week or so later when i went to the ladies the feotoes came out and i cried for months. i did not know how to deal with it. after all these years the pain and regret became easier and i prayed to God to forgive me and ever since i have done that i have made peace with what happened. i am now going to try for the first one that will be conceived in love and we will be able to support him or her. stay in touch hey
written by Phile , July 29, 2010
.. Wow...It's quite funny how in life we manage to take decisions knowin very well that they will affect us permanently. Sarah i hurt for you girl and what you had to witness and go through. I know it wasn't an easy decision for you but i jus hope that you learnt, grew and became a strong phenomenal woman from this.. take care.. written by Lady_Y , July 29, 2010
Like most of the readers who've commented on your story, it brought tears to my eyes.. memories of the abortion I had flood my thoughts and the pain is back again... It'll get better, I trust and hope that you have people that you talk to. I'm so glad that you found Stand Up Girl, the poeple here are wonderful. I pray and hope that you find peace and happiness in the near future.
When ever you need someone to talk to, you're more than welcome to send a message... No-one deserves to be alone during such a time of depression and anxiety.
Stay strong
Yolanda
written by demean10-23-2009 , July 22, 2010
written by teenmummy2008 , July 11, 2010
written by Kendra7446 , June 30, 2010
written by Brooke2212 , June 29, 2010
written by ComingClean , June 24, 2010
written by baby_travis , June 23, 2010
mine is early at this moment. abortion was really goes on my mind.. but angelo scared me that my baby might visit my dreams if i will kill him/her. my aunt also convinced me that my baby might be the reason for me to concentrate on mt lfe.. i hope u didn't do it..i really feel so sad.. but we have different decisions in life.. i hope we could keep in touch.. and u know what.. i envy u.. i never envy before.. why? cause everytime i do intercourse with every bf's that i've went into relationships i never felt what u felt to ur bf.. i think my heart is not ready for love.. but now i love my child.. Godbless girl!
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