Right Here and Right Now
I've read people’s stories and cried myself to sleep, but that’s not the only reason I've cried myself to sleep for the past 8 days. My wish is that anyone who is thinking of doing what I did, read this and don’t go down the same road.
8 days ago on the 9th of October 2008, I went to hospital to terminate my pregnancy. I had mixed feelings about doing it but I'd played this day over and over again in my mind and I'd told myself so many times in my head that this was what I wanted and this was what was best for us, me, my baby and the father. I just started out at Uni, I’m a few weeks from writing my first year final exams and I fell pregnant. I'd saved my virginity for 18 years until now and before I knew the pleasures of sexual intercourse I fell pregnant. I told myself I love my baby so much I couldn't bring him/her into this horrible place where I couldn't do a thing for them. I didn’t want my child to be a charity case.
Not here, not now, not like this. I repeated these words daily, my life had just started being perfect and I talked to my boyfriend and we both decided to do the ‘deed'. No one else knows until this day, except the two of us. We both agreed not here, not now and not like this. We had our lives ahead of us and when he marries me we will have many more. We convinced ourselves we weren't being heartless and that God would forgive us, funny enough we prayed together that morning before I murdered my child. We loved our child so much we gave them a name, which means love in our mother tongue.
Well… the day came and I went to have my abortion. Funny enough, I thought it would be relieving after that but the truth is its not. After having taken those pills for hours, I felt my baby come out of me. I wept but it was too late now. They were dead. I'll never know them now. I'll never know their smile, their cry. I never gave them the chance and now it cleared in my head, my mother would've never deserted me, my father wouldn't have killed me. People would've judged me, yes, but they'd soon find something else to gossip about. It wasn't about my little baby (Lerato) It was all about me. I was selfish and weak. I couldn't bear to sleep on the bed that I made and so I took an easier route. Or so I thought. I cry myself to sleep everyday now, I cried to my boyfrend the next day and he said it would be fine and that it was his fault as much as it was mine and that God still loves me and a lot of other things. It hasn't made me cry any less or made me feel any better about myself…. I murdered my baby and now I shall die slowly every day.
I've accepted that but I’m done with my life. I’m not suicidal no, but I pray everyday that I die. That I crash or something of the sort. I hate myself so much, I don't know how I will go back home and face my family even though they don't know yet. I can't bear anymore of this. My baby should be the one here not me…. So to anyone thinking about it…. This might not change your mind because nothing changed mine but know that this could be you….I never though it would be me, I used to write encouraging poems but now this is one of the only things I can get to writing.
* *
I’m sorry my child, I’m sorry I took your life so as to continue with mine
I’m sorry you couldn't fit in into the little world of perfection that I lived with pride
I’m sorry I didn't give you a chance
I’m sorry you had to be one of those who were never given a chance
I’m sorry you had to have a horrible person as your mother
I’m sorry I was your mother by name but failed you in everyway by action
I’m sorry for being the person that I am
I’m sorry this world contaminated me
Or maybe I've always been contaminated, the world exposed it.
I’m sorry you had to be mine, I’m sorry it had to be now.
But most of all I’m sorry for having taken your life
Before it even begun
* *
If one day I could have the chance to see you, I would like to say I’m sorry
And if you ever want to tell me how selfish and heartless I am
How much you hate me and wished you weren't conceived of me
I'll accept it all because I hate me too
I hate me because now I know who I am rather than who I proclaim
I hate me for loving self so much I couldn't let God
I hate me for everything
But mostly right here and right now,
I hate the fact that I can walk this world proudly and all you can ever do is be the memory at the back of my head
My little, what if
* *
hope it at least makes u think
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Comments
(39)
written by Brdget , August 07, 2009
This is so sad I also had an abortion on the 20 of November 2008 I miss my child everyday,and it has affeccted me to a point where I just cry everytime i see a pregnant woman or a lil baby, But GOD FORGAVE US ALL,,,that is why we are still living to see this day.
written by LauraPaulo , July 28, 2009
i know what ur going through..i was 15 when i had to have my abortion done..i still regret it to this day..and dont know what to do
xX
xX
written by kathygirl127 , April 03, 2009
i know its been months since tht has happened to you but i too feel the same as you...i was 9 weeks 2 days..i regret i soo much
written by anmae , March 20, 2009
thank you for sharing your thoughts. you really made me decide to be firm with my convictions. thank you and May the Highest Being bless you.
written by cpho , February 22, 2009
To everyone who reads this and prays 4 me and wishes me well ........ thank U. Its been a while since I was back here . it came to a point in my life where I jus quit everythng, I quit tryn, i quit living, I quit being bcoz as easy as it sounds on paper, I really just cant 4give myself and i shud that much I know bt by the grace of God, I wana turn a new leaf. I recently went back 2 poetry and writing, so if it is part of Gods plan, I would love to write a book sharing this experience as well as other about alot of things but mostly this. I never did gather the strength to tell anyone was at home 4 3month of summer vacation but I cudnt ........... I still am very much the coward that i was. I'v also raelised im not dieing yet and I have tried, Lord knows I have tried ending my life but I need to finish the book 1st bcoz mayb that is the only reason 4 my existance to help other people not make the same mistake and thank u 4 all the verses I got, perhaps in another tym once i've 4given myself i will have hope 2 c the promised land ........ ryt nw anyone who wants to say anything to me I have gathered enuf courage to talk so anyone going through a similar experience email me at mswanethenjiwe@yahoo.com
written by SongOfTheSoul , February 10, 2009
I can't imagine the pain that you're in. But please remember that you have people who love you. God loves you and he has already forgiven you. It's up to you to forgive yourself now. Be brave. Don't hate yourself. Your baby is in Heaven with God now and your baby doesn't hate you. I will pray for you. Thank you for telling your story. P.S. Lerato is a beautiful name. It also means Song of My Soul.
written by kara_85 , February 07, 2009
you surely have a talent with ur writting it brought both me and my partner to tears, as we have 2 boys and just finding out we are pregnant again at just 23, but uno what i couldnt be more happy!!! Good luck with your furture and try and keep ur chin up! u did nothing wrong u just made a choice thats it!!
written by ggmurph9 , January 27, 2009
I'm praying for you. You will always have regret but you can have peace and contentment in your heart by turning to Jesus Christ. Confess to Him and receive His forgiveness and then don't question it. Go forward but always with Him at the forefront of your life. He has your baby and both will meet you on the day He appoints. This is just temporary, this life we live on earth, but but by following Jesus you can have access to eternal life with Him, with them. He is looking upon this with divine eternal eyes while you are focusing on the 'Right Here and Right Now'. Find a good bible teaching church and have your eternal eyes opened. You are doing a wonderful, loving thing by getting the word out to others so they won't make the same decision you did. Continue to do this. This may be God's plan for your life. A relationship with Jesus Christ will guide you on the path God wants you to take.
written by jeannet , January 24, 2009
There will always be 'good' reasons to abort. You have to Trust God will ALL your HEART, He is sending you this blessing for a reason. He knows us before he places us in the womb, He does not use children as punishment, but rather a blessing. We are often focused on the short term results, look into the future, this baby may be your best friend when you grow older, or the loving sibling. One of my nieces was the 4th in her family and my sister had no means to financially support all her kids. Help came from the family and now that niece is the loving daughter and the only one not failing school (she is now 17!!). Please visit www.pregnancycenters.org to learn how they can help, I know of some that offer financial help. God Bless you!
written by tlefler , January 18, 2009
I'm so sorry that you felt so bad. It's been a few months so I hope some of the pain has abated. Something that we're not told about is how bad you will feel after, no matter how good the reasons. We expect it to be easier than it is Because we're doing this in the best interest of ourselves and the unborn baby.
I was 23 when I had my abortion, for the same reason many do: was still in school, not in a financial position to support myself and a baby and the father wanted nothing to do with a baby. I grew up on welfare and in foster homes and felt that was a horrible way to bring a person into this world. I wanted better for any child of mine.
Despite the good reasons I still felt shattered after the abortion. I quit my job and for a month I stayed in my room and cried. I felt just horrible. When I returned to school a month later I didn't do very well. Things just didn't matter as much.
The only way to cope is to have someone to talk to and Know you're going to feel bad, and that things will be hard for a while. But don't lose sight of why you did it in the first place; so that when you Do have a child you can offer more to your child. It doesn't have to be money, just the maturity of being able to raise a child and love them unconditionally.
I'm now 35 and 2 months away from giving birth to my first child. I'll be raising my little boy alone and not where I expected to be at 35 but I'm more emotionally mature than I was at 23 and will be better able to find and get the resources I need to be the best mother I can be. I'm not as prepared as many felt I should be to have a child, even at this age, but I didn't feel the argument against having him was good enough to not.
Having the abortion 12 years ago will always make me feel bad but I also know it was the best thing at the time. The healing process will go better if you realize that you will always miss that little person, that there won't come a day when you just don't care. But it will get easier. And the depth of your caring will make you a wonderful mother when you do become one.
I was 23 when I had my abortion, for the same reason many do: was still in school, not in a financial position to support myself and a baby and the father wanted nothing to do with a baby. I grew up on welfare and in foster homes and felt that was a horrible way to bring a person into this world. I wanted better for any child of mine.
Despite the good reasons I still felt shattered after the abortion. I quit my job and for a month I stayed in my room and cried. I felt just horrible. When I returned to school a month later I didn't do very well. Things just didn't matter as much.
The only way to cope is to have someone to talk to and Know you're going to feel bad, and that things will be hard for a while. But don't lose sight of why you did it in the first place; so that when you Do have a child you can offer more to your child. It doesn't have to be money, just the maturity of being able to raise a child and love them unconditionally.
I'm now 35 and 2 months away from giving birth to my first child. I'll be raising my little boy alone and not where I expected to be at 35 but I'm more emotionally mature than I was at 23 and will be better able to find and get the resources I need to be the best mother I can be. I'm not as prepared as many felt I should be to have a child, even at this age, but I didn't feel the argument against having him was good enough to not.
Having the abortion 12 years ago will always make me feel bad but I also know it was the best thing at the time. The healing process will go better if you realize that you will always miss that little person, that there won't come a day when you just don't care. But it will get easier. And the depth of your caring will make you a wonderful mother when you do become one.
written by kqueen86 , January 17, 2009
I am torn between my decision to abort or to have the child.I am 22, married, and have 2 daughters.I wasn't planning on having another baby for atleast a few years.I've been a mother since I was 16 and was finally getting my life back on track financially and I was feeling hopeful for the future.My daughters were getting to the age where I felt comfortable leaving them with a babysitter incase my husband and I needed some us time which we have not had in a while.We were also having unprotected sex and I warned my husband of pre cum which I was told could get you pregnant.He didn't believe me and sure enough one day while I was at work I began feeling sick.My period was a little late but I didn't think much of it.When I decided to take the test it came out positive to my surprise.My husband and I laughed because it felt so unreal but I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh or cry.I wasn't ready emotionally,financially,or physically.I'm further along in my pregnancy now but I'm still unsure of what to do.My husband and I argue and when we do he's always saying it's the same crap between us and we always end it with the conclusion why are we together.We have been through a lot and both share the same values and morals but when we argue he doesn't know how to control his temper.He yells,curses and says things sometimes that I feel don't need to be said.I don't want to bring another baby into this world when I don't feel completely stable with our family now.I would take the kids if we ever were to break up but I don't want to be with 3 kids struggling.I feel I could do it with my 2 now because they are alittle older.A newborn requires a lot.I also don't know if I'm emotionally equipped to go through an abortion.I'm an emotional person to begin with and I'm scared of the way I'll judge myself afterwards.I don't want to go through a depression and affect my relationship with my other 2 children and my husband.He wants the baby but has said if you want the abortion I'm behind you.He thinks that's what I want to hear but the truth is I feel so lost I just want him to open up to me a little more emotionally because I need a lot of support right now.I only have a til Monday to make my decision and it sucks.I'm being rushed to make a life changing decision.I feel it's what best for our family right now in order to make our bond stronger.I want to work on what we have now and maybe later down the road have more children when the time is right.I've searched on the internet and what I found was people commenting on how you're a murderer if you abort;but that's not what I want or need ot hear right now.You can't judge someone when you are not in their shoes.I just want some support .This pregnancy has been really rough on me physically that it's put a real damper on my mood and patience with my other 2.I'm still sick and gagging.What makes my situation worse is that I haven't been able to even be seen by a dr. yet.I'm waiting on a response from medicaid and that's a mission in itself.I don't even know if everything is okay with the pregnancy.I'm scared.I went to the er and they didn't even do a sonogram.I don't want to proceed with the pregnancy not knowing if everything is ok.I don't want to be put in a situation where I have no options or choices.I can't afford to pay for a visit right now and even if I did I'm scared that if something is wrong it would have been to late to do something.I talk to God and cry to him asking him to guide me in the right direction.I ask him for his forgiveness if I decide to abort.I also ask the forgiveness of my unborn baby and talk to it.My husband doesn't understand how deep this is for me.He says he does but when I mention it he gets annoyed that I brought it up again.Please no bashing and lectures.I just need some understanding advice and support.
written by georgia bubs , January 15, 2009
i am soo sorry for your pain and am really glad to have read that cos my boyfriend wanted me to get an abortion and i dont think i could handle going through with the heartache, sadness and anger towards myself.
so i would like to say thank you
love georgia xxooxx
so i would like to say thank you
love georgia xxooxx
written by DineoJ , January 14, 2009
im about to do the same thing, i feel its the only way.... please i need someone to talk to. Email me Dineo
written by lemonbee24 , January 06, 2009
I had a friend who found out she was pregnant. The very first thing she told me was that she wanted an abortion. I have a 2 year old daughter myself and it hurt me so badly that she didn't even want to try. Well, she had the abortion. She talks to me sometimes telling me of how she feels that she has no direction, she feels like she is aimless, not having any goals in her heart to follow. I have to tell her that when you chose to have that abortion you HAVE TO prove to yourself that you needed it. She made her baby pay for her mistakes. Now prove it to yourself that your goals were something that your child had to die for. Make something of yourself. Her child will never see her dance, she will never hold the sleeping baby she bore. She made what should have been the babys haven, the womb, into it's deathbed - its tomb. Don't quit college, don't fail. You are strong - prove it to your self and to your child.
written by vmh0806 , December 23, 2008
I don't believe I can say anything that will make what you are going through any easier. I don't believe that I will ever know what you feel and the true extent of all the pain you feel. But what I do know is that you are going through a trial of fire. Believe that no matter what God will always be there for you, carrying you through this really dark and lonely place. The one thing I can do for you and all other women that are going through this is pray for you. I have not been in this situation, but believe that your story will be an inspiration to me. May God be with you now and always. Remember that you are loved, by God and by me. You will survive because you are strong and beautiful and God's creation.
written by gluesticklol , December 06, 2008
Thats a touching story but the whole thing make me think that what was running through you head isnt about the baby it's aoubt you and how it would effect your life.
written by yesive , November 23, 2008
GOD LOVES U NO MATTER WHAT IF U ASK FOR FORGIVENESS HE ALREADY GAVE IT TO YOU... SORRY 4 UR PAIN BUT DONT HATE YOUR SELF ....
written by jully , November 21, 2008
MY DAER DONT HAVE TO CRY YOURSELF TO DEATH BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED IT HAS BEEN DONE ALREADY ALLU NEED TO DO IS TO ASK GOD THROUGH PRAYERS TO FORGIVE U OF YOUR SINS AND RELIVE YOU OF YOUR HEAVINESS. YES , I DID BUT U CAN STILL LIVE AND FORGET THE MOMERY OF IT. GOD KNOWS HOW TO HEAL WOUNDS. HE CAN STILL DO IT IN OUR OWN TIME. OK, JUST PRAY TO HIM FOR THE FROGIVENESS OF SINS AND U WILL SEE THAT GOD ALSO DOES NOT HATE "HE IS MERCIFUL AND JUST TO FORGIVE U SINS" THAT WHT THE WORD OF GOD SAYS, LIVE BY THOSE WORDS EVERYDAY AND U WILL SEE GOD MANIFESTING IN YOUR LIVE.
TAKE CARE MY GOOD FRIEND GOD ALSO WILL NOT BE THERE TO HATE YOU OK?
HE LOVES U IF ONLY U CAN MAKE THAT PRAYER WITH A BROKEN HEART, HE WILL FORGIVE U.
DONT CRY UORSELF TO DEATH AND STOP WISHING YOURSELF DEATH OK! LEAVE EVERYTHING IN GOD'S HANDS HE KNOWS BETTER
WIPE AWAY YOUR TEARS AND GO ON WITH LIVE BUT DONT EVER SUCH A MISTAKE AGAIN. BE HAPPY GOD IS THERE FOR U, HE WILL REDEEME U.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
TAKE CARE MY GOOD FRIEND GOD ALSO WILL NOT BE THERE TO HATE YOU OK?
HE LOVES U IF ONLY U CAN MAKE THAT PRAYER WITH A BROKEN HEART, HE WILL FORGIVE U.
DONT CRY UORSELF TO DEATH AND STOP WISHING YOURSELF DEATH OK! LEAVE EVERYTHING IN GOD'S HANDS HE KNOWS BETTER
WIPE AWAY YOUR TEARS AND GO ON WITH LIVE BUT DONT EVER SUCH A MISTAKE AGAIN. BE HAPPY GOD IS THERE FOR U, HE WILL REDEEME U.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
written by youngblackwomen4life , November 19, 2008
Hello oblivia006 and cpho. I saw your posts on the blog and I want you to know that God wants you two to keep your children. Do don't be afraid God will be with you through all of this no matter how scared you might be right now. Let know one pressure you into hurting your children. Look what the Lord says about life. " I am your creator. You were in my care even before you were born. Isaiah 44:2 You see you baby is in God's care even now. The Lord has also said."Before I formed you in the womb I knew you". Here are some bibles verses to encourage the both of you.
1.First you must be right with the lord.
I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws, then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you.
2. Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
3. The Lord will keep you from all harm he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121:7-8
4. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isiah 43:2-3
5. God is with you call on him. Pray
Come near to God and he will come near to you. James 4:8
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my slavation, says the Lord. Psalm 91:15-16
The Lord your God is a meerciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you. Deuteronomy 4:31
For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:7
Cast all your anxiety on God because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
The Lord is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you. 2 Chronicles 15:2
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your won understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes Proverbs 3:5-7
I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should you. Isaiah 48:17
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord., plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today...The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:13-14
What does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good? Deuteronomy 10:12-13
P.S. visit the website www.abort73.com and www.prolife.com.
Write me if you need to talk. May God bless you your family and your baby.
If you do whatever I command you and walk in my ways and do what is right in my eyes by keeping my statutes and commands I will be with you. 1 Kings 11:38
Also read psalm 137 and visit www.hh76.com. You can read the prolife pamplet online.
1.First you must be right with the lord.
I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws, then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you.
2. Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
3. The Lord will keep you from all harm he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121:7-8
4. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isiah 43:2-3
5. God is with you call on him. Pray
Come near to God and he will come near to you. James 4:8
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my slavation, says the Lord. Psalm 91:15-16
The Lord your God is a meerciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you. Deuteronomy 4:31
For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:7
Cast all your anxiety on God because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
The Lord is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you. 2 Chronicles 15:2
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your won understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes Proverbs 3:5-7
I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should you. Isaiah 48:17
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord., plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today...The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:13-14
What does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good? Deuteronomy 10:12-13
P.S. visit the website www.abort73.com and www.prolife.com.
Write me if you need to talk. May God bless you your family and your baby.
If you do whatever I command you and walk in my ways and do what is right in my eyes by keeping my statutes and commands I will be with you. 1 Kings 11:38
Also read psalm 137 and visit www.hh76.com. You can read the prolife pamplet online.
written by cpho , November 18, 2008
again .. i've survived yet another few more weeks. Im not 2 sure if im really thankful im writing my last exam i a few days and then im heading 4 home ....... im new 2 all this and there have been times when I really wanted to email someone, somehow but I dnt nw how 2 get the details. I dnt knw how im going to face my parents .... I dnt nw how this will all work. My fears have taken over me. I hope my mother handles this well .. may ur prayer be with my mother more than me, she didnt deserve a daughter to disappoint her the way I will. Pray that I dnt give her a stroke or something thanks to everyone again
written by az999 , November 18, 2008
My heart is aching right now for you. Your story is so powerful-so real. I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Please talk to someone about your broken heart-your broken insides. God loves you still and will forgive you if you ask Him for forgiveness. The hardest part will be to forgive yourself, but it can be done. God would not want you to be tortured your whole life-He loves you too much. Please know that you WILL see your baby again if you accept Jesus as your Lord. He will keep your baby safe until you are reunited in heaven. I wish I could take your pain away. Please email me anytime-I'd love to keep in touch with you. And know that someone in Pennsylvania is thinking of you and praying for you. And remember that you are not alone. GOD LOVES YOU.
written by oblivia006 , November 17, 2008
im in exactly the same position im 19years old and now 10 weeks pregnant.. i dont know what to do please someone give me advise it feels as if God has turned his back on me because i am now considering an abortion! it looks like the only way for me at this point!! the father of my baby isnt supportive at all - we have only been dating for 5 months now and he wants me to terminate my pregnancy he is 20years old and have no income and still live with his parents. I live with my mom and two brothers - i was brought up in a very strict christian family and i do not have the guts to tell my mom - she is a single parent and wont be able to cope with this it will break her heart. financially i wont be able to keep my baby and my mom wont be able to help me financially either. At this stage, me and my two brothers is supporting my mom financially and my income is not that much since i only finished school last year!! please pray for me!! i dont konw what to do i will not be able to live the guilt of an abortion?
written by Chris07 , November 16, 2008
I am in your shoes ... email me is you need to chat. i get's lonely and sad... but you will be fine.
written by Lyvia , November 14, 2008
Thank you for your story...Your story is indeed very painful but it helps a lot to women who considers abortion every now and then...You are suffering the pain but it's a gain for some people that they might stand-up and will not choose abortion...Now bear this in mind, what happen to you in the past is already a STORY---a great story (not to u but to most women), so please try to forgive yourself...God is a God that cannot lie, and I believe His written Word...I John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is FAITHFUL AND JUST TO FORGIVE US AND TO CLEANSE US FROM ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS." He will make u new and white again...Trust Him!
Love u...Hugs and Kissess
Love u...Hugs and Kissess
written by pretty_ke , November 14, 2008
Hi Sweetie, i am in tears , i wish i red your letter before i did the worst mistake of my life, now i realize how selffish i was, i had an abortion on 25th October this year i lost my baby who was 7 weeks and a half,and now am dying slowly each and everyday i wake up thinking about my baby. I discovered i was peggy when i was 6 weeks, i was in shock, very confused and worse is the daddy of my baby is far away so we r having a long distance relationship, i had never contemplated having an abortion but after we talked we realized it was the best decision, now i know it was the worst and i miss my baby so much i will never forgive myself for what i did. its hurting me so much and am wishing i never did it.
written by teardropz , November 13, 2008
That same day i had my abortion. Scared beyond belief I went threw with the procedure, just like you I had it in my head this was the right thing to do. Always against it but found myself with no other answer. I feel the same pain everyday, almost as if I can breathe. Stay strong and continue to pray. Hopefully we both can find the same happiness we had one day... You're in my prayers.
written by sadsomuch , November 12, 2008
i completely understand what you are going through. Feb 23rd of this year i had an abortion everyone convinced me that it was the right thing to do. the father was a loser and i knew he wouldnt be there so i listened to my family and i had the procedure done but no one knows what it really does to a women i feel so horrible about it and the worst part is i am 6 weeks pregnant now and the father wants me to have an abortion because we are no longer together and he doesnt want another child with a broken home. he has other children and is not with there mother but i cant get him to understand that i cant do it again he doesnt understand the medical risks let alone the mental and emotional things you go through
written by lilmissunderstood , November 11, 2008
I CAN 0NLy iMAGiNE THE PAiN UR FEELiNG, BCUZ UNFORTUNATELy I WENT THRU SOMETHiNG VERy SiMiLAR My SENi0R YEAR..I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGO MY LAST WEEK 0F SCH00L, MY FATHER A STRiCT "MEXICAN MACHO"..& MY KiD'S FATHER WAS A THUG THAT WAS 0N DRUGS & WH0 CONSTANTLY ABUSED ME! THE DAY I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGO I ALSO FOUND OUT MY GRANNY WAS DYiNG, S0 WiTH ALL 0F THAT I WAS REALLy C0NFUSEd ON WAT TO DO! I'M THE ONLY GiRL MY PARENTS HAVE SO BASICALLY IM THEY'RE PRiDE & JOY & I COULDN'T iMAGiNE MYSELF SHATTERiNG ALL THEY'RE DREAMS 0F SEEiNG THEY'RE LITTLE GiRL BECOMiNG A SUCCESFUL WOMEN IN LIFE! UNFORTUNATELY I HAD TO TELL MY MOM, THAT DIDNT GO GOOD AT ALL "( SHE AUTOMATiCALLY TOLD ME TO LEAVE THE HOUSE! A FEW HOURS LATER SHE TOOK BACK WAT SHE SAID BUT ASKED ME TO PLEASE CONSIDER ABORTION & I DiD! AND HERE I AM 3YRS LATER STiLL BEATiNG MYSELF UP ABOUT MY DECISiON! BUT TO BE HONEST iN A WEiRD WAY I FEEL I DID WAT WAS BEST FOR MY KiD! I HAVE AN ALCOHOLiC/DRUGGY FATHER WHO BEATS 0N ME & REALLy HATES ME (YEA THiNGS CHANGE IN 3YRS) & MY KID'S DAD iS STiLL AN ABUSIVE PERSON WHO'S BEEN iN JAiL FOR A VERY LONG TIME & WH0 I'M NO LONGER WiTH AND I THANK GOD FOR THAT!
SO PLEASE HUN STOP BEATiNG URSELF ABOUT iT! JUST DNT DO iT AGAiN! I NOW SEE THINGS SO MUCH CLEARER, I WOULD NEVER MAKE THE SAME MiSTAKE! ABORTiON iS NOT THE ANSWER.
BiG HUGS & KiSSES!
SO PLEASE HUN STOP BEATiNG URSELF ABOUT iT! JUST DNT DO iT AGAiN! I NOW SEE THINGS SO MUCH CLEARER, I WOULD NEVER MAKE THE SAME MiSTAKE! ABORTiON iS NOT THE ANSWER.
BiG HUGS & KiSSES!
written by cpho , November 09, 2008
thanx alot everyone, Im dealing ........ or atleast im trying Im wryting my exams and its notesay, I struggle 2 study each and every day and worst my best frend is now pregnant. Whe she told me I cried myself, I was happy 4 her but I was crying about my baby who hasnt had the chance........ i dont knw how I wil make it thru bt i pray everyday God helps me ........ IM jst a sinner caught up in my sin. If God even hears me bcoz sometimes It seems 2 hard. Thank u mostly 2 those hu this story helped, Im glad one child didnt have 2 go down the same road mine did .. the road 2 nowhere killed by their own mother
More than anything I need prayer ............. im tired of living, I really dont feel I can. My life is futile bt I dnt wana kill myself ....... I fear the pain it will bring my mother
More than anything I need prayer ............. im tired of living, I really dont feel I can. My life is futile bt I dnt wana kill myself ....... I fear the pain it will bring my mother
written by LStephens , November 09, 2008
Well, you said it all by your story. I am mother of 4 children but with my first child I was in your situation. I even made the appointment to get it done. I however did listen to my aunt who said to me, our family does not believe in abortion, so step up and take care of your responsibilities. I to have been brought up in church and was always taught that abortion is not the answer. My husband and I have worked in teen ministry for a while and when i comes up i have a story to tell. I say look at my daughter, how funny she is, and how much i love her. I would not have that and she would not be here if i had choice that. I want you to know that the first step in forgiving yourself is repentance. God is an awesome God. He cast your sins as far as the east is from the west. You know you made the wrong choice and God forgives you. You will always think about your baby but you have a story to tell to save other lives. God has a plan for you, and will bless you for sharing your story for his glory. I will be praying for you tonight! Love your sister in Chirst!
written by enori , November 07, 2008
Thank you for sharing. When I started reading your story, I was amazed at how much I can relate to the feelings you are experiencing. I went through a similar experience 18 months ago - and still find myself overwhelmed at times with emotion. I encourage you to find support because God has so much in store for your life. After my abortion I felt as if I didn't deserve to receive anymore of God's gifts because I had just thrown one away due to fear and selfishness. But God is so much greater than the fear we sometimes encounter. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of not relying on God's promise, that He would never leave me or forsake me, but I'm here to tell you that even though I left Him that day I swallowed the pills - He never left me, and He has not left you. Please feel free to contact me if you need to vent... I read some of the comments others left, and the one that has struck me the most is cocoabeige77. Please contact someone like cocoabeige77 - she sounds like someone who has spoken to many women like us and can help with all of these overwhelming feelings you are dealing with it. It isn't over - it's just time for a new beginning. By His Grace and with His Love. E
written by Freeman05/07 , November 06, 2008
Oh sweetie. I cant imagion what u r feeling right, if i ever fall pregnant, your story has totaly taught me to really think about abortion. I hope that time soon starts to heal the wounds. If you need to talk to anyone i will be here for you.
Take care of yourself
Vicky
Take care of yourself
Vicky
written by aperez88 , October 31, 2008
OMG im so sorry i know what u went thru when i was 17 i got preg. and my parents were really strict i always believed in pro-life but when it happens to your you'r mind changes luckily i had a good friend she had an abortion and was really depressede so she told me not to do it to get counseling instead and look for adoption or other options she took christian group they helped me w everything i am so thankful! and lucky!
written by cocoabeige77 , October 27, 2008
Thank you for sharing your story and the beautiful poem. I could relate to what you're going through because I have had an abortion also. I still think of my child (a boy I believe) every day. He would be 22yrs. old now. I would like to encourage you to visit a website that could be helpful, www.abortionchangesyou.com. There you will find other young women who have gone through (are going through) what you are experiencing. I believe you will find support to help you at this point in your life. There is healing available. I am a post-abortion healing facilitator. We use a bible based study called "Forgiven and Set Free" and a companion for men "Healing a Father's Heart." You can find these publications at Amazon.com In the meantime, if you would like someone to talk to, who would be happy to be a listening ear (and non-judgemental) I'm so glad I came upon your story and I don't believe it is by chance. I did not know about this website until today. Someone just happened to tell me about it and your story. Don't be discouraged. I found the best way to honor my child's life was to live in such a way that he would be proud of me. You can do that as well. Hope to hear from you and I will pray for you. Know that someone cares and understands how you feel. That person is God.
written by LERATO37 , October 27, 2008
Now i know what the fuggies meant when they said someone was singing their life.what you said makes me remeber my own experience.it has been 4years and i still cry when i think about it,i still hink im a murderer.I look at young girls and think that maybe she might have been as joyful as they are. i regret it everyday. i choose to have sucess and a good education instead of my baby.now i wanna have a child and its so difficult i keep on thinking she was the only one god was going to bless me with.Please abortion is an easy way out that will haunt you forever. do not make it an option or you will be emotionally scared for life.
written by laineyk38 , October 25, 2008
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly. I'm a committed Christian too, and have been against abortion my whole life, but I know that God would not want you to punish yourself in this way. He believes in you, and also believes in your decision. You made it for what you believed to be the right reasons at the time, and now your heart is broken. I promise you this pain will ease. Take comfort from the fact that your baby is with God, and will also forgive you. Souls are very understanding things, and if we are to believe what we're taught, God is a benevolent and forgiving God. He can see the torment you are suffering, and I know He doesn't want that for you.
Please try to forgive yourself. Think often of your baby by all means. Say a little prayer for their little soul whenever you feel sad, but forgive yourself. Make the sacrifice worthwhile, by creating the life you'd always planned, and when the time is right for you, your future children will have an amazing life, with a wonderful and loving mother. You are a good mother honey...you put your child first, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. You thought of the baby, and what you had to offer it right now...and you felt you couldn't offer it much now...you had reasons for it honey. Please forgive yourself, and allow yourself to live again. The hurt will ease, I promise.
Big hugs. God Bless. xx
Please try to forgive yourself. Think often of your baby by all means. Say a little prayer for their little soul whenever you feel sad, but forgive yourself. Make the sacrifice worthwhile, by creating the life you'd always planned, and when the time is right for you, your future children will have an amazing life, with a wonderful and loving mother. You are a good mother honey...you put your child first, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. You thought of the baby, and what you had to offer it right now...and you felt you couldn't offer it much now...you had reasons for it honey. Please forgive yourself, and allow yourself to live again. The hurt will ease, I promise.
Big hugs. God Bless. xx
written by Miracle . , October 25, 2008
This story was actually really touching and its really made me think again about having an abortion. im going to have to learn to struggle between work and collge and now cope with 2 children. im not ready for it, but i cant possibly kill whats growing inside of me. and i know that i wont regret just like i didnt regret my first birth. but i am really scared about going through childbirth again. Anway thanks for sharing your storey it really did help me and made me truly think.
Thankyou
.
Chelseaa -ox .
Thankyou
. Chelseaa -ox .
written by Shay111 , October 25, 2008
i am weeping with you.
one thing God knows how to do is to redeem broken situations. beauty from ashes. it might take time, but healing and freedom are possible. i have absolutely no doubt that there are children that will be born because of your story...life will come from this tragedy.
one thing God knows how to do is to redeem broken situations. beauty from ashes. it might take time, but healing and freedom are possible. i have absolutely no doubt that there are children that will be born because of your story...life will come from this tragedy.
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