I don't know what he's thinking when he walked out the door at 7:45 Pm. On saturday 4. His suit case by his side and his large camp backpack over his back. I just stayed and watched rubbing my belly. I didn't cry. Not one tear. I wasn't going to cry in front of him. He left not saying a word not a good bye. I could hear my moms breathing. She wasn't crying just yelling. "Go to hell" in spanish. My sister crying and my brother in his room crying. I just stared at him. He left. 

Just that simple to leave. I need him. Im not sure if im the reason why my dad left today. I have a feeling that he wouldn't come back. He's got a lover some were. Proboly young, maybe old, maybe rich, maybe poor. I don't know and i don't want to ask. He left me with my mother. We don't talk sience i got pregnant. When we do we fight. My dad never yelled at me when i got pregnant. He talked to me, made me feel normale and a girl my age. Now I don't have a father to talk to. He left i cried. My mother, she cried, my sister same story. 

I don't feel 14, i feel 30 or older. I know what i was thinking, i was thinking, why do some man in my life do that when i need them. Jose walked out on me and my baby, my mother walked out of me, she stopped talking to me, my father walked out of me when I truly needed him to be with another girl. But why now. why not later when i had my baby and she got to see her grandpa. I thought that he could be like a dad to her. Her father walked out of her and now her grandpa. Forget me, and think about my daughter. My little angle. How can anybody walk out of anybody. Its the wrost feeling. it leaves you empty. Heart pounding at the moment and then as the minutes pass by the heart pounds slower and slower and then it seems like the world just froze in time. 

I can handle people walking out on me but not my daughter. My daughter hasn't even known them and only god knows if she'll ever see them. How did everything turn out this why. I got good grades, i behaved in parties, i was a good kid. I can't understand how another person can walk out of the person with the same blood and leave them for a slut, a whore, and i could name a million other things. How can someone walk away just because their scared. A child is not not going to kill them. A baby is the most inocent thing in this plant. It does nothing wrong. If it breaks the dishes, it by pure inocene. I can't understand anymore. I just can't. I try but i don't get how this goes. How can i trust other men if the men of my life always walk away. Thier not children any more. They can't stand up and be a man. My father and my baby father it was sooo easy to walk away while im here pregnant with the whole world giving me dirty looks my teachers also some times look and the class mates. Im here and they just walk out and live the perfect life. My father thought it was soo easy to go for some other girl and my baby daddy found it soo easy to walk away and not have anything to do with the baby. 

I don't want my baby to have a grudge to men. Ive suffered because of them and i know that she's also going to suffer. In fathers day while all her class mates do fatherday presents and cards she's just going to watch and do nothing. EVen if she did make a card she what would be the use. Theirs no grandpa to give her card or present in fathers day. Her freinds are going to be talking bout their daddies giving them presents and love and thier grandpa what is my doughter going to say. 

I just have one question y did they walk way. NO, what were they thinking and how come they couldn't man up and take resposbilty.  My father created me and it was sooo easy to leave me with out even a good bye, he couldn't even look at my eyes when he looked not even im sorry. I feel sorry for them. I really do. Because their soo pathedic. Its sad. Its soo sad and im sorry for them because they don't have what it takes to be men. real man don't leave when the time goes taugh. Real man stay and do what ever it takes to make it through. real man can do anything. Just like us women. I do believe that im a real and i do believe that i can go through with this. I may not live in a house hold that love me but i got corage and i do believe that i can make it through. But its not if i believe i know i can. I am not going to be like my father or like jose. Im going to stay and if the going gets tough and life puts oblicals on me. Im going to win first prize and be proud. 

yes i am a teen mom, and yes i am a single mom, yes i am reasoning my child alone, yes my mother doesn't help me out, yes i have to sacerifice a lot of my life for my baby, and yes i love my baby soo much that i would even drop out of high skool if i have to, and really i would love to drop out and be with my daughter instead of some person that i don't even know take care of my daughter but if i don't go to skool what future will i have? I need to just go to high skool and find a job go home and be a mom. and for the next 20 years thats going to be the story of my life. skool, work, taking care of my daughter, school, work, taking care of my daughter, mom 100% of my life till im old and in my grave and even when im dead im still going to be mom. 

I don't feel 14 i feel 30 and older.