I got pregnant in september of 2010, I was 16. I was scared and excited all at the same time. My boyfriend, Kyle told me right from the get-go that we would do it together, and he would support me 110%. Then we had to tell our parents. I was living with him at the time so I had to tell my parents through text message. I told my mom first, and to my complete surprise, she was completely supportive. Then I told me dad, who I knew wouldn't be happy about it, but I didn't expect his reaction at all. He & I had had a very close relationship until then. He told me that I 'had better make an appointment for an abortion', to which I replied no. I was keeping my baby, and that was that. So he stopped talking to me. When we told my boyfriends mom, Kristi. She was kind of non-chalant about it. At the time, she was hardly ever home, didn't pay rent or buy groceries and Kyle and I were raising his 3 month old sister, and trying to make things work with around 100 dollars a month. It was really stressful. I was unable to see a doctor, as we had to hide from multiple people under Kristi's orders. So then at the begining of December, when I was around 12 weeks, we got a nottice from the landlord that we were to be out within a week, or we would be removed by force. I snapped. I couldn't believe how irresponsible she had been, knowing I was expecting a baby. I called my older brother and told him what was going on and he agreed to come pick us up and bring us back to live with my mom. Then we told Kristi we were leaving and she freaked out. She threatened him and belittled him (all through text message), and said multiple horrible things about me, including that I got pregnant on puropose to "trap him" into staying with me, and being a dad. We left anyway, and she refused to speak to Kyle or myself from then on. The week went by very fast as soon as we got home. I had a doctor's appointment at 13 weeks, and the next day I had an ultrasound. I was so excited to finally see my baby. I had to go in alone, due to the policy the clinic I went to had, so Kyle waited out in the waiting room. I laid on the table and as soon as the ultrasound started I knew something was wrong. All I could see was a little blob, and the technician grew very silent. I was too scared to ask him what was wrong, so I stayed silent. He then called in another doctor to do an internal ultrasound, and my fear grew like a lump in my throat. They kept asking if I had had any bleeding or pain, and I hadn't. They whispered to each other about what they were seeing, and when it was done, I got dressed and came back and they told me that my baby had died at 8 weeks, and I hadn't expelled it so I hadn't noticed. I went into total shock. I walked out into the waiting room and broke when I saw Kyle. I told him 'let's go' and when we got into the lobby he asked me 'what's wrong?' and I burst into tears. I bawled and choked out 'it's dead and it's all my fault!' he helped me into a bench and held me as I cried and cried and told him what the doctor's had said, and how it was all my fault because I hadn't asked him to leave earlier, so I could get proper care for the baby and have proper nutrition. He called my brother and my mom and had my brother pick us up. My mom called my doctor and arranged an appointment for me to have a D&C, and my boyfriend and I went home and cried and cried. I was so angry at everyone. My dad, for wanting me to kill my baby. Kristi, for not being responsible. But mostly me, because I thought for sure I could have prevented it in some way. I didn't think I could feel any worse, until Kyle told his mom. She insisted that I was lying, and that our baby did not exist. That I had made it all up to get him back here with me. I couldn't believe her insensitivity. After everything I had done for her, she would say that stuff about me. My mom, on the other hand came home and gave me a big hug. She had 2 miscarriages between me and my brother, so she knew how I felt. Whereas Kristi had had 4 kids, and no miscarriages. She said that I had not miscarried because you "HAVE" to bleed. Which is not true. I had what they call a blighted pregnancy. And with a blihted pregnancy, you don't always bleed, because the baby doesn't die from being in distress. It has to do with chromosomal issues, or sometimes how the baby attached to the uterine wall. I asked my pre-op examiner how common it was to have a misscarriage like mine, and she said it was fairly common. I just couldn't believe it was all happening. I had finally gotten over the fear and gotten excited about being a mother, and I find out my baby is dead. I went on to have my d&c, and it was horrible. Especially because every doctor/nurse said 'Well, it's better this way'. When I hear that, I wanna just kill whoever is saying it. That is not helpful. I don't care if I'm 16, my son/daughter died. That is not 'better' than anything. I still won't speak to my father, and Kyle and I have cut Kristi out of our lives. We're slowly putting things back together, but it's been rough going.
"I so believe that it is incredibly important because I see a lot of my generation being ripped off in this area, really thrown a lie that you can do whatever feels good, just please yourself, and they are not talking about the consequences."
"Standup Girl:
