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Jan 09
2010 |
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I keep thinking that every new year will bring something better, that for some reason everything will change and magically things will go the way that I want then to... it never does. I don't know if I can go on like this much longer. It's like I'm going around in circles and don't learn from what goes wrong.
I'm busy making mistakes that could cost me everything and I see myself doing it, but I can't stop myself. I'm putting so much pressure on myself, trying to be the perfect housewife, perfect girlfriend, perfect lover, perfect employee, perfect student, perfect daughter.... I'm so stressed and highly strung. I'm smoking almost 40 ciggies a day, drinking again... I'm blazing up the occasional joint which I haven't done since high school, it's all that keeps me sane these days. I feel ready to implode from all the pressure.
I'm busy destroying myself over something that I can't change. I'm physically and emotionally mutilating myself, trying to make everything work and I can't do this alone.
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"I so believe that it is incredibly important because I see a lot of my generation being ripped off in this area, really thrown a lie that you can do whatever feels good, just please yourself, and they are not talking about the consequences."
"Standup Girl:
I know a way that will heal the pain, your right you can't do it by yourself.
Do you know any one who has a relationship with Jesus? If you do please talk to them about him, if you don't, you can talk to me.
I've tried to hold it all together by myself, I couldn't.. but through Jesus Christ I have a whole new life now.