I'm done crying for him. I'm done crying period. I'm done with lonly life looking for my true love, because I found the one who will never hate me. I found my baby. Why have a boyfriend who will drop you when the next girl catches his eye? When you have a beautiful life who loves you no matter what! Guys come and go, and I've had to learn that the hard way, but as my baby grows I've learned I have to also. I thought I was mature enough to have sex, I thought he loved me, but boy was I wronge! But without JJ I would have never had her, Arsin my beautiful child, so thank you JJ, thank you for giving me the best presant of my life. Maybe someday you will see her that way too! <3

Why does everyone have a goal to make me cry now? What did I do o diserve this hell? Today was the worst of it, JJ (baby daddy) had to bring up funerels and crap like that. It just broguht back the worst memories of the year. Then he said "what about you, have you lost anyone close to you this year?" Like he didn't already know! Kole (my step son through adoption/cusin) passed away due to a tragic accident, and all week I haven't cried until he had to bring up all that. Everybody was like, 'well at least your talking now' honestly I would rather him ignore me than bring Kole up ever again. I knpw tring to just forget about the whole thing is not the right aproach, but I can't help but to think it was all my fault. How does a tv fall on a two year old? How is a moher step or biological ever supposed live through this when I'm scared to think about my little girl, cause I might lose her too!

Well I'm now 4 months and I just found out im having a girl :D! I chose the name Arsin for her, her daddy doesnt even want to know about her, i  fear he never will. He already has a daughter and sees her all the time, so why should Arsin be any different? I'm so tired of his crap, why cant he just grow up and admitt to his mistake like I did? I hope one day he asks to see her, and you know what im going to let him so he can see what hes missed out on! But one fear I have is that Arsin will make all the same mistakes I did, and I don't want this for her!

Last year in 8th grade I thought I'd be the one to go through my whole highschool years without making this mistake. Now I know that things don't always go the way as planned! I have lived in this small town since I was a baby. Moving away for a year or two a couple of times, but something always made me want to come back. At the begging of this year I started highschool at LHS, then I got sick and missed too many days so I was kicked out. I was forced to go back to BHS. That same day I returned I met up with one of my ex's JJ, he wanted me back, but I said I wasn't looking for someone who just wanted sex. I went walking with him to the park after school, that was mistake #1. I gave into him after awhile when he took me to that stupid abandon house that was my 2nd mistake, but the one that I will forever regret was not having sex and getting pregnant, but beleving him when he said he loved me, cause the whole time when I took him back he cheated on me! I guess the point of me righting this today is not to tell my story, but to ask a question, what happeded to all of us from middle school? Why did we give in to men, we don't need them, but I guess some of us think we do? From 8th grade to highschool what happened? Me and JJ don't even talk anymore since I told him I was pregnant, and he doesnt want anything to do with his baby, but I hope he comes around. I don't  want be the one to tell my child why his dady doesnt love him, or want anything to do with him!