It's really hard. Everything is really really hard. I thought it was over, y'know. I had a plan, it changed and I formed a new safer,better plan than before. I was going to wait and be patient and be smart and not try,not dream, cease from wishing. All this time that little candle has been dimmed but still burnt quietly indide me still warm still present. I thought it would stay that way butas it was left quietly burning in the depths of my heart, unoticed it grew into an awesome blaze. My burning desire to be a mother and have a baby has returned and as much as I douse those flames in water they return stronger still. I fight with myself constantly and the pro's and con's have gone around so many times in my head there are footprints...I just don't know what to do with myself at times it gets so lonely fighting with your head and your heart and your common sense. I feel like if I try harder and get pregnant it would be right and good for him...I almost know it with the same certainty I have that there is a God...help me....x 

(PS Thanks and lve to everyone that has commented on my past blogs...I couldn't see the comments before which is why I didn't write back but now I've figured it out I will write back to all comments in future! :) )