So I'm back at square one...almost two years after we first decided to start trying for a  baby I'm back to being jobless and without a flat with my fiance. We're back to living at our parents and I feel so frustrated. I didn't loose my job because of me but because a few thousadn mega rich idiots couldn't do their job well enough and have caused an economic downturn whichhas mean that my company hasn't the funds to keep paying my salary. I just feel like if I had sat on my butt and not had any form of drive to do things off of my own hard work I would have had more in life than I do now.I feel like i should have had no ambition or sense of direction and had made no decisions with my life at all. It sucks that I have to now go and seek housing aid. I hate that I have to sign on to recieve benefits. But this is where life has brought me. And you can say ''well if you had a degree blah blah blah...'' uh no....my mothers freinds older sister is 40 and was so on top of her career and was made redundant too...now they;re worried for her because her career wsa her life and now she has no career she has gone missing with nothing really to live for.

I feel like I shouldn't even wait anymore for that 'perfect time' to ttc again. I'm going to start in the new year and  not stop, take breaks or anything...it will be my mission. I feel a little unsure though...should I wait?Am I being irratoinal? If I can't evre really be sure about money then why waste my time and eggs waiting for a perfect time?

I just feel like I'm in the land of nowhere right now. And I'm seeing so many of my friends haveing their babies and it makes my longing so strong.

I can't even speak to anyone and I feel so alone when it comes to this...help.