My wife, has just wrote on here, our story? She said I should write how I feel, and she thinks its been a great outlet to her....so here is goes....
I met my wife when I was a kid, I have known her my whole life... in highschool, our Junior year... we had a unexpected unplanned pregnancy. I am not saying i didn't love my daughter... i did VERY much. But we were so young...
I knew she was pregnant, when she showed up that night...they say a woman knows, well I say every guy know when he sees that look on his girlfriends face... pure terror. I was there for her, even told her parents becuase she couldnt. They are pretty religious and I just remember looking at her and she looked... so ... small and innocent, i felt so guilty for actions and getting her pregnant. her parents sent her to a boarding school the next day... i woke up downstairs at her house, and she was gone. Bags packed and vanished. She was seven weeks- maybe eight weeks along then.... they didnt tell me where she was until she was nearly seven and half months along. I remember most vividly waiting for her at the airport... nervous I knew her mother would have already given her the third degree... such relief to see the girl running towards me like a little girl...eyes sparkling with tears and blonde hair bouncing.... the only thing that wasn't little girl about her was her portruding belly...
Her pregnancy went well after that, we became extremely close and the birth of my daughter was the best day of my life. I was in school and Dev, had the baby... we never really fought looking back.. just about our parents who managed to drive Dev crazy...
The darkest day was the moments we lost Kennah. I say moments because looking back through the chaos of that day doesnt describe it. It was the longest twenty four hours of the shortest seconds of my life. People were mistaken our parents as Ken's parents, Dev was hysterical. I just remember saying goodbye to my daughter. looking at her tiny sick face. Knowing it was probably not going to be long...and everything we had endured for her to be there...5-4-07, hardest day of my life.
Dev and I got married that summer, we came to find she was pregnant and was before Ken's passing... she lost the baby because she didnt take care of herself after her death... it put too much strain on the fetus...she had a few miscarriages since... she seems to get pregnant very easily it was keeping the baby.. the emotions she puts on herself due to Ken's passing always weakened her system to much... she is such a fragile girl, my little mommy... I call her Little One, becuase she is five foot nothing and smalll small... I love her beyond comprehension. She is the mother of my kids and the beat to my heart. Thats exactly what she is.. the beat to my heart... She is the one I want standing with me at the gates of heaven...
My wife is almost five months along with our second child..(not counting the angels we lost) She is excited and anxious like every new mother... but... not every new mother has lost a child and feels such guilt as she... He (its a boy) is going to be named Kenner Kade... Kenner for my Kennah... and Kade.. because he is going to be one awesome little guy...
I guess the last thing i will say, is...knowing our story now...I guess i just don't know the things to say to her when she brings up the baby's death...she has dealt with so much lost in the last two years... I just want her to get excited and be happy... but i fell like I dont know how to comfort her... now... you are women.. what do i say... I know she cries alot, death of a child which is suppose to be a remote possiblity in every couples lives is soo real to her that she lost the Zest of Life... I know when she is pushin, she will have these thoughts... anyone have advice? I know its kinda of... well.... not the normal situation.. she gave me the password to this site... so i will check up and see if any of you can help... i would really appreciate it. After all I am just a guy