Hi there girls,

i want someone to answer my question:

i had an abortion about 7 weeks ago (worst mistake ever) i took the wrong advice.

Now i want to try for another baby but without telling my partner that i want one coz i know he will say no, he wants to wait till we are bout 26 (thats four years away).

Do you think that i should stop taking the pill and see what happens or should i wait for another four years when hes ready. I more then ever ready for a baby i was when i first got pregnant but i listen to him and got rid of it.

I know that you are thinking that because i had an abortion that i want a baby to fill the missing part but thats not true.

I know if i went behind his back and got pregnant the second time he will stand behind me, we are now engnaged and his parents brought him up to be respectful caring gentlemen so i know he wont just run off and not help me.

It took me 2 years to get pregnant in the first place. What if it takes us that long again to have another kid i dont want to be in my 30's and popping out kids. I want my two kids in my 20's.

i really dont know what to do, can anyone please help me. Should i just wait for another four years, or go behind his back and try to get pregant????

lisaxxxx

No, you shouldn't. Period. If you are engaged to this guy, you need to be able to trust each other, and getting pregnant behind his back would be a huge violation of trust.
Nothing can make an abortion go away, including getting pregnant again. In four years, when you two are interested in having children, you might consider adopting so that another woman will have the chance to make the right choice.

i second that advice!! it really would be a monumental violation of trust to go behind your fiancee's back like that. if you were in his position, how would you feel? i'm guessing you would feel totally betrayed. true love and lasting relationships are based on willingness to sacrifice and total honesty. you do not want to jepordize what the two of you have simply because you have decided that you want to have two kids in your twenties. any babies you have together will be equally as much his as they are yours, so he should have equally as much say as to when you have them. if he's not ready, you have to respect that. if you truly love him, you will. i can't imagine making love to someone knowing that i was potentially creating a new life not out of mutual love and respect, but out of selfishness. which is essentially lying. a couple years is not going to kill you!
also, dont' forget to factor God into the equation!! in my opinion, that's even more important than how you feel about this man or how much you want a baby. but that's just me. it's tricky giving advice that for some is totally based on faith, and for others, simply a question of circumstance. oh well. don't do this to your fiancee. if he knows how important having kids is to you, maybe he will compromise a little. in either case, wait till you are married. good luck!

xoxo
emily

My friend, I talk to a lot of women who have had abortions and nearly all of them, after their abortion, want to have another child right away. This is just one of the symptoms of post abortion syndrome. It is very possible that you are suffering from the effects of your abortion. You are not alone though, and what you are going through is not uncommon.

It sounds to me that you and your boyfriend are in disagreement about when you want to have a child. Make sure you discuss this issue of children thoroughly with him before you get married. Prior to saying your vows, make sure you are on the same page as him in areas such as finance, house chores, and children. You see, if you enter into marriage and you know there are key issues that you disagree upon, that could be a recipe for disaster.

Additionally, a relationship where one goes behind the others back is never stable. In a marriage, both parties have to respect the others views and opinions. Remember, when you are married, two become one. It is no longer you making decisions, but it is the two of you together. To do something behind his back, is to only hurt yourself.

The key to a healthy marriage is communication. Please talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you don't want to wait that long to have another child. Be open with your feelings, and be respectful of his. I think this is something the two of you should talk out. Have you considered compromising with your boyfriend? Maybe after you get married, wait two years instead of four to have a child. Work on finding an agreement in which you both give a little.

It sounds to me that you would like to talk with someone about this. Let me refer you to your local pregnancy resource center. They have great volunteer counselors there who would love to help you sort through all this. They also offer post abortion support programs. These are support groups for people who have been effected by abortion. The group is lead by someone who has had an abortion and has gotten emotional and spiritual healing. And best of all everything that the center offers is free and confidential. Let me show you how to look it up. Go to: www.optionline.org/advantage.asp or you can call 1-800-395-HELP. At the website all you have to do is type in your zip code and a list of centers will appear. Just call the center and tell them about your situation.. They will be happy to help you.

Let us know what you decide. We care about you!

This is going to sound harsh but it must be said.

Do you think you have the right to purposefully TRICK your boyfriend into parenthood? That is NOT love - that is sneaky and manipulative and that IS NOT how we treat those that we love.

Parenthood is a HUGE respoinsibilty- and based on your post you clearly are too selfish to face it right now.

PLEASE rethink this. You should love and respect your partner, and it should be a PARTNERSHIP, not a dictatorship. How will he ever trust you?

Your post made me VERY sad and I feel very sorry that someone who is suppose to love him would even CONSIDER doing such a horrible thing.

An accident is one thing, but you are talking about doing intentionally.

Shameful.

it sounds like maybe you should consider the fact that you both are not on the same page as far as your life plans and maybe you should be by yourslef for a while. you need to heal from the pain and you need to truley heal before getting pregannt again. do not get pregnant behind his back. no matter if you think he will stand behind you or not. because thats not really the point here. he should have stood by you in the first place with your first pregnancy. instead you had to go through a terrible ordeal and did something you regret. now you have to live with that . work on talkig to someone to heal within yourslef. i have been through it and have healed after many years. i was with someone who forced me into abortion and down the road i broke up with him realizing what i wanted in life was not the same as him. it was the best thing i ever did. im not trying to sound harsh, i just feel for you so much and dont want you to make another bad desision. take time to really look at you life as a whole and get the help you need for you. make all the necessary changes you need to in your life but do it honestly. tell your boyfriend how you feel and tell him how much you regret the abortion and you are ready for a baby now. see if you can work it out togethor. this is a must before you get married! make sure you are really ready and that you two are really compatible as far as your life plans go.