Hi,

My girlfriend and I are both 16. We both attend highschool and I am in football. I have a 3.9 GPA and was planning on attending college and becoming a pharmacist. Today, July 31st, she had a positive result on a pregnancy test. I've went through and told my mom. I couldn't hold back the tears knowing that I have let down so many of my family member's that have been so supportive of my success and acheivements. My mom asked what I was going to do with my options, being abortion, adoption, or parenthood, and I told her that abortion was out of the question. As for adoption, I could live with that, but I dont know if my girlfriend could after 9 months of pregnancy and having to let it go. I couldnt live with myself if I hurt her that way. I will talk with her more about what SHE wants to do and than plan from there. I just wanted to get some advice and some feedback. Realistic advice is neccesary I cant be in denial or anything.

Some questions:

- If we chose Parenthood could I still finish school and move on to college?

- Is there anyone with success story after being a teen parent?

- What do I do if I dont have that nice of a father and he would flip if I told him? - My girlfriend wanted to know if its selfish to hope that its a boy? Because my mother just gave birth to my little brother, Jaiden, and if our child was a boy we would have baby equipment already for him. I told her that its not selfish or wrong to hope for a certain gender, but whatever you do get you have to love and treat like it should be treated.

- How should I cope with my family being disappointed.
- Should I quit this football season (its just starting but my girlfriend might only be a month pregnant.) and just get a job or should I play it out and than get a job in late November? - And if anyone has any other advice, tips, information, or anything, will you please tell it to me?

Thanks,

James

Wow James, you are a breath of fresh air, I just have to start my response to you with the highest respect and to encourage you that you have the makings of a great father and potential husband!! I agree with you that you should not allow your child to be aborted, the fact that you are so concerned and aware of how your girlfriend would feel after carrying a child for 9 months and then place the baby with another family is just awe inspiring...You are right, that would be very difficult, to answer your question, YES, you can parent your child and still be a success is college, here is my friend Rachel's email address, she finished high school and went on to college with a child on her own, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ,she is now married and is very successful, if she could do it on her own then the two of you as a team will flourish!! If your family Stands by you the chances are even stronger....you have about 8 months before baby arrives, that is plenty of time to plan...as for baby items, if the baby is a boy, great you can get hand me downs from your mom, if the baby is a girl, that is what baby showers are for, you can register and let your friends know what you will need, here is a phone number to a place that can help you a TON, 1-800-395-HELP, they will give you the number and location to the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you, you can watch parenting videos and earn "baby bucks", they have all kinds of items, new and used...I think you and your girlfriend have all the makings of a success story and that you can beat the odds, just stick together and hang in there...I know that you will do the right thing and that you can be great parents....we are all here for you and if you need any more info about anything from pregnancy to insurance to child care just give a holler....Love Meg This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

I love to see that you're a very supportive boyfriend and future father. I want you to know that this is a very hard road, especially on your relationship, but it is also one that will be worth it, and be very rewarding along the way. Be glad that your family is supportive and always be willing to communicate with everyone, especially your girlfriend. I think that the two of you together, as Meg said, will make a wonderful team of parents and be extremely successful. Yes, you can finish high school. I am currently in high school and my mom cares for the baby during my school hours. I also volunteer. I am going to college to become an RN and my child's dad is trying to become a surgeon. It is VERY possible with lots of hard work and dedication! You may even consider the possibility of getting a GED or accelerated diploma to speed up the high school process. I know that my ex-boyfriend, with the responsibilities of becoming a father, got caught up in partying and all that stuff, and he really did love me like you do your girlfriend. Make sure that you allow yourself to become a dad and grow up! He regrets his mistakes so badly now... and we are trying to repair our relationship for the future. We let ourselves get lost and lost communication so we broke up, but we still feel like we're together so we try to work it out for the future of us. No, most people hope for a certain gender! It's just natural to want things to be made a little bit easier. But honestly, babies don't care whether it's pink or blue... they just need their supplies! I mean of course it's more ideal to have pink for a girl, blue for a boy... but if it comes down to it, as long as you have the necessary tools to succeed then it doesn't really matter! Your family is going to be disappointed no matter what, but when they come to see how great your handling this and taking responsibility... how proud will they be of you! Just remember that a little baby is a gift and brings lots of joy. Okay, for sports I definitely know how to handle that one. My ex played soccer for his entire life. When I was pregnant I actually went to his games and hung out there with him at his practices. Honestly, I think that the decision is yours. If playing helps you relive stress, then keep doing it. If you REALLY need the money, then go get a job and help save up. Just make sure that you're there for your girlfriend along the way! You have to make the best decisions for your family and know that whatever you do will leave you feeling the best you can and not guilty. Many guys are not like you... You're a really great guy and I want you to know that so many girls look for guys just like you! Hold on to your girlfriend and your son/daughter and you won't ever have regrets of that. I PROMISE. If you want to talk to me (or a guy, for that matter) then you can just sign my Guestbook or send an e-mail. I can also let my son's father get on here and talk to you, if you want a guy's perspective. He's been through a lot this past year with me and he's probably a really good person to get what to do and what NOT to do from.

Good luck!

James you are a wonderful young man. As far as your father goes most parents especially fathers take this news very hard I know mine did. For anyone in your life that is disappointed in you just know you and your girlfriend are doing what you feel is best for your child's life. I promise everyone will come around in time. I think you should go for your goals there is no reason you can't reach every goal you have set out for yourself and now you have even more motivation. Life has a way of working itself out. You can definitely succeed I was once in your situation but at 18 and I am now 25 and my life could not be more wonderful. I have a house, I am married and have my own business. Stay focused and you can accomplish anything you want to. Best of luck!

-Jessica

it is so nice to see a young 'father-to-be' so concerned about his options and the feelings of his other half. i myself am 18 and have a 3 month old daughter, so i myself am a teen mum. firstly i would like to say i am very proud of you for not choosing abortion, abortion in my eyes is murder and shouldn't be legal. so well done for choosing to give your son/daughter a chance at life. you can go back to college because nowadays they have schemes to help with childcare costs while you go back into education, so let me tell you your life is certainly not over! and as for the whole parents not approving thing,it happened to me, throughout the whole pregnancy my family would not speak to me, then about a month before i had my daughter they realised just what they would be missing out on and slowly came round to the idea, now they see us on a regular basis and love her unconditionally. the dissapointment of your family will fade away and you will forget about it once you hold your son'daughter in your arms for the first time, see there first smile, hear their first laugh. being a parent is truely the most amazing feeling you could ever experience. it is also nice to see that you want to get a job and provide for your 'family' whenever you get a job doesn't matter as your girlfriend is only a month pregnant. i hope everything goes well for your girlfriend during and after the pregnancy and you will make amazing parents i'm here if you want to talk x