right so, how do i start?!

ive been saying for a while now that im gona go to the doctors and get help but i havent.
i went on a website and it had a trauma checklist and if you ticked over 12 you've got Post Abortion Syndrome, i ticked 37.

so i said to myself i will call the doctors tomorrow. it has now been 4 days and i still havent done it. i dial the number, it starts ringing and then i hang up.

ive started drinking more and more.

i just dont know what im doing with myself!
its like someone has pressed a self-destruct button on me.
its a struggle to get out of bed in the mornings.
i have bath, and sit there and wonder if anyone would miss me if i drowned.

please someone, point me in the right directon!

It is hard. Its hard to get all the courage together and call the doctor..for me it was .. I did it just like you,it started ringing and I hang off..I watched the river and asked myself that..I watched the pills and wondered..how it would be like..who would miss me..
Freaking crazy hard.

You need to KNOW that you need help,and it takes courage to admit it-to your doc.
This is the very first step of healing.. Feeling atleast a lil bit better..

But its hard to say how to get all that courage and strenght together.. Maybe just block your emotions for the minutes you'll talk with the doc? I don't even know how the doc system works over there..I know I needed to call my personal doc(who didn't even knew before that I had an abortion) who sended me then to another doc-consulur(sp?)like one,to who I needed to bring the papers from my gyn. That proved I had an abort,and when,everything (so that my insurance covered him)

I wish you all the best!

If you ever need to talk,just PM me.
Love,monika

hey im sooo sorry to hear abot how u r feeling.... maybe you need to tell someone exactly what you have said here and let them phone n make the appointment for you and have them take you there that way you know u will go through with it and i think the sooner you get help the better because as u said, a self distruct mode has been turned on which is not unusual if one doesnt seek help.

but the fact that u are able to recognise it n know that this is not the way u r suppose to be is a GOOD thing, it shows that u r not gone over the edge and there is a part of ur brain that is being rational over the strong pain n hurt u r feeling

im soo sorry for your pain n i hope u get the help u need before this gets worse.... and hopefully with this help, time and healing... you will find peace and get past this very difficult time

lotsa love xoxo

I am so sorry sweetie, I hope it helps a little to know that we are all here for you!! Remember talking to Lisa? She is still there for you, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , you need to let the phone ring and talk to the person who answers....I went through really bad post partum depression last fall and I know there is a huge difference in what you are going through but the "fear" of doing something about it is the same, I had to admit that I couldn't do it on my own, I had to make that call and go to the appointment I had to take a medication to help me get by, to help me feel again. I couldn't even cry....You really do need to address this issue, you are not alone, you are not the only one, just think, if they have an online survey to diagnose PAS there is a reason for it, there are many in your shoes, even on this site, I think you should email Lisa and connect with her and maybe get a copy of the book she uses for her PA counseling/study...and remember above all else that prayer you said...there is strength in the Lord and when you rest in Him you do not have to carry this weight on your own...Lots of Love and Prayers....Meg