You are going to have to face reality at some point, what you are dealing with is co dependency, You are afraid to be alone therefore you are making yourself willing to stay with someone you do not want to be with just so you are not alone, this is very unhealthy and you should really talk to someone about this, preferably someone who knows you well like your mom or another relative you spend a lot of time with, I had a twinge of this on and off in my life and I stayed in abusive relationships and allowed myself to be treated badly just because I was afraid of being alone, one of those relationships ended in pregnancy and then I stayed with him longer because I was terrified of having a baby on my own, he never hit me but he was very controlling and mean and verbally and emotionally abusive, he had me convinced that I would starve on the street without him, you are headed for the same situation if you stay in a relationship that you don't want to be in, he may not abuse you but you will still suffer the same feelings because you will feel trapped and hopeless, you need to get some counseling and find out why you are codependent, in the meantime take some time to evaluate the relationship, the pros and the cons....Love Meg
