Ever since the death of my daughter, and my in laws Ive been a lil bit of a zombie. Recently, all the events are hitting me, and im dreaming constantly about my daughter. I havent gone to the cemetery since the funeral... I just don't think I can face it. On another hand I really want to go. the things is, I think I may be pregnant again too, and Im not ready for the results yet.
I went on the patch after the c-section. i realized that my period is about 3 weeks late and that instead of it I had spots, and I thought its normal because of all the hormone changes. But the patches were expired (I just noticed), but since Im not ready for another child right now, I dont want to find out. Not just yet anyways. I can hardly talk to anyone to be honest.
My bf is so overwhelmed with the death of his parents and our daughter. My parents always take the \"you did a bad thing and this was the consequence\" side. His one sister is pregnant and one JUST had her baby, and my aunt is pregnant and it just seems like everywhere I go there are babies....
I wish for once they could understand how much Im hurting. My aunt is expecting ME to throw her a babyshower, and to go shopping with her and stuff. Its not like I dont want to, but I really just cant handle all of this anymore. My friends are in another world, and I can tell you that many people have called me \"lucky\", My psychiatrists have stopped seeing me because I refuse medication, so Im helpless, I weighed my self yesterday and I weigh 10 lbs less than I did before I got pregnant, which could be a good thing.

I dont want people feeling sorry for me, I need a true way to deal with this, please help.

Hey there...I just wanted you to know that there is One True Way to deal with this...His name is Jesus....I know people have probably said it before and from the sounds of it your parents are telling you that you deserved this to happen because of your \"sin\"....well I am here to tell you that sin does come with consequences but it doesnt mean that God is punishing you for sex before marriage....I am very sorry that you lost your little girl and I dont think that God took your baby to punish you....maybe He took her so that she wouldnt have to face this cold and harsh world....I myself had two kids out of wedlock from two different dads and my consequences have been difficult at times but they have been a way for me to see Gods grace and the consequences remind me that I need to make better choices....I dont know what God wants to show you in this time but it sounds like He wants to get your attention and cause you to cry out to Him for help...My mom killed herself when I was 3 months pregnant and I had no way to deal with my suffering....I was lost and didnt know what to do....that is when Jesus stepped in and reached out His hand to me and invited me to trust Him and receive His love....maybe He is extending the same invitation to you in this time....as for your aunts baby shower dont feel obligated to throw her one....if she is offended or hurt then that is her problem...just tell her how you feel and if she doesnt understand then you know that you made the effort to love on her with out putting yourself in a spot to hurt worse...the True Way to deal with this is PRAYER...pray and ask God to show Himself to you in a new way....pray and ask Him to come into your heart to comfort and guide you...pray that He would heal your pain and give you hope...pray for a new begining each and every day....I will be praying for you also along with many others on this site....we love you and care for you and dont hesitate to just cry when you need to....go to her place of resting and visit...bring some flowers and a cup of coffee for yourself and cry...tell God how you hurt...tell Him how you miss her...let the healing begin and conquer your fears...take it one step at a time....her spot in your heart will not be replaced but the emptyness can be filled with hope when you share your sorrow with Jesus...Love and Prayers...Meg