I was 5 months pregnant at the age of 14 when my family forced me into having an abortion. Because of this abortion I've went through nervous breakdowns and abuse. I'm now 19 and this still haunts me. Feeling something die inside of you is not a wonderful feeling...it's sickening and torture. I still cannot forgive myself for this. I didn't even find out I was pregnant until I was 4 months pregnant and I got attached to my baby that quick to have it ripped away from me that quick. I think about my baby everyday, now especially since my friends and classmates are having kids. I think man...I shoulda been the first one out of everyone to have a baby. Now I may not ever have one again because a year after my abortion I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), now I really don't want to forgive myself for that abortion, that may have been my only chance to have a baby. Now I may have possibly f^cked it up. I've even had counseling and I still hate myself for what happened. My mom doesnt make it any better either. Everytime we get into it or she thinks something's wrong with me thats the first thing she wants to bring up, and when I confronted her about it she goes "I'll bring it up as much as I want to when I want to" ha! Lucky me to have a mother like that.

I dont think that people always understand why we react the way we react after an abortion... to put it simply, they just dont get it.
Honestly, I know what you're going through. I miss my little ones incredibly and it gets more intense when I'm around someone who's pregnant or has a new born. I had a total freak out in the car just yesterday and my fiance looked at me like I'd turned into a four headed dragon.
So, if you wanna chat, rant, share stories or coping mechanisms... just pm me. I'm always willing to help when and where I can.

Love Eva

thank you very much, i added u as a friend because i knew u would understand me.

hey, that's what this site is all about... finding someone who understands and who can be there for you when you're having a rough time. Trust me, I think I was alot more screwed up than most people when I joined here. I had a complete nervous breakdown one Friday night and the following day, I found SUG... Think I'm still a little screwy lol but much better off now.

How are you trying to cope with everything that's happened? My therapist advised me that naming a lost angel can sometimes help and I light two little candles everytime I misss them really badly (it just seems to help). Have you thought of getting a pet? Animals are really theraputic and super loving. My bf and I adopted "our son" (a pretty grey kitten) last year... he also seems to make the dark times a bit better.
Anyhoo... if you wanna chat more about coping mechanisms or the weather lol or whatever, you know where to find me.