I have been with the same guy for 3 years off and on, and currently we aren't together. He's moved away with his parents, and is going into the military and things are very complicated right now. We both just graduated from high school, I got an amazing job, and he's going to college, and we both turned 19 not to long ago.

Things were going good for both of us, our relationship was slowly getting back on track again, and we were talking about getting back together. Even through we weren't together we were still having sex, and we were always safe. well, I found out I was pregnant, and things got really hard.

Nobody in my family knew, except my mom, and I had the hardest time telling her. I didn't know how she would react and I was so scared. She was so calm about it though, and very supportive. She said I could keep it, or get an abortion, which ever I wanted.

My ex though, told me that I needed to get an abortion. It was such an easy thing for him to say, like it didn't matter to him at all. Which made it all so much worse, that he acted like it was nothing. He kept pushing me into it, ignoring me, being a jerk, and being completely unsupportive of what I wanted, he wouldn't even listen to me.
And I knew, that if I decided to keep it, he wouldn't help me. I would have to raise it, pay for it, and do everything on my own, and I couldn't do that. And he knew it.
I eventually gave in, and decided to go through with it, b/c I felt like I didn't have any other choice.


I went in on October 15th for my abortion. It was so hard for me, I was 12weeks and 3days pregnant, the dr asked me if I wanted to see the ultra sound. I thought maybe it would help me to be able to say goodbye to my baby, but it didn't. I cried the whole time, not just out of pain but out of sadness and regret. Since yesterday, I've been so upset, and I can't stop crying. I see people with babys and being pregnant everywhere I go, and I can't help but think about the one I had.
I regret what I did so much, but I can't take it back. I very much want to though. I've tried talking to my ex about it, but he wont talk about it. All he says is "Its better this way", how comforting. Then when I keep trying to explain how I feel, he just stops answering me.

I don't know who else I can talk to, I need him the most and he's not there for me.
How am I supposed to deal with this, and get better? I'm so sad, and lost and confused. I need help..

Hey there Sweetie, The pain that you are feeling is deep and real and I am so sorry that you have to experience this...I know someone who has been in your shoes and I know she would love to share with you, listen to you and help you in any way that she can, her name is Lisa and here is her email, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ,also you can contact a local Pregnancy Resource Center, you can receive FREE post abortive counseling and also you may find opportunity down the road to reach out and help others in your same situation or even sooner and help to change their minds in time....Once again my heart breaks for you and I want you to know that you are loved and welcome and accepted just as you are here at Standupgirl.com, we are here to support you in your healing and I personally hope and pray that you will stick around and let me be your friend in this hard time of your life....much love...Meg, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Thank you. I just I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to deal and accept what I did. I know I made a huge mistake, and I think the worst part is, is that I really thought about saying no before they even started. I just, I knew I couldn't do it on my own.
Should I just message her at anytime?

Yes, email her anytime, she is pretty good about checking her mail often....I understand that it will be hard to live with but if I can encourage you in something it might help a little...see, I have never had an abortion but I have done so many wrong things that have affected my life in a negative way, and others lives as well...I too have to live with those regrets some physical and some emotional and spiritual...One of the things I regret most is that a few weeks before my mom committed suicide she had asked me to sleep with her and snuggle, I said no, I was hoping that a guy I really liked who was staying at the house would want to sleep with me and I knew it was not possible if I was not in my own bed....how horrid and disgusted and selfish I feel to this day, my mom had just lost her fiance in a car accident, she was the driver, she was feeling so lonely and guilty and all she wanted was someone to hold her, I feel awkward for posting this, this is the first time I have told ANYONE, not even my husband why I didn't go to her room with her, it is because I still feel so sick to my stomach over my shallow, selfish and disgusting actions....it feels kind of good to get it off of my chest though and that is why I shared this with you, you are not alone in your regrets, your guilty feelings, the mistakes of your past....yours is still recent where as the one I just shared was almost 8 years ago...the only thing that has helped me is forgiveness, it is so much easier to ask God to forgive you and accept His forgiveness, which is so important to do, than to forgive yourself and that is something that I hope and pray you will be able to do sooner than later...just like I cannot go back and hold my mom, comfort her and put her first over some shallow, lustful want, you cannot go back and change what happened on the 15th, what you can do is learn from it, use your scars and wounds to help others not go down the same road, be vulnerable and honest and be there for others who hurt also....I hope this helps a little bit, I am here for you and I have many scars that I would love to share with you in hopes that you can find healing and love for yourself again!! Hang in there Sweetie....Love Meg

Hi! i feel the same way..
but im still pregnant and waiting for my bf's salary for me to get abortion..
but i feel i cant wait for it..
and i know i cant get it..
but im scared,, it all the same like
i know that he wont help and stuff..
and im scared he might hurt me worst..=(
i cant help but cry all the time i think of it
and its so hard for me to live everyday knowing i could do nothing for the life inside me..

he took everything from me..
my confidence, my normal life,
my friends and now the life that i cant let go=(

aww hunnie this made me cry, i just want to say i had a abourtion forced by my mum and dad over a year ago and now im pregnant again with a little girl due 22nd november 2009 and me and ollie have been together for over 3 years now and i wanted to say it does get better.
im here for u if you want to talk )

love and hugs gabby xx