I am 18 years old almost 19. I had an abortion March 13 of this year. I have been pregnant four times. One ended in miscarriage another I went into preterm labor and lost my baby because he was too early. My third pregnancy I went into preterm labor at 26 weeks and now have a healthy little boy who is almost a year old and my fourth ended in an abortion. At the time I found out I was pregnant, I was going through a lot with my fiance. I was considering breaking up. It was really hard. Then I found out I was pregnant. I was so upset about it because I did not want to have to make the choice I did. I did not want to be pregnant and having another baby with someone I was breaking up with. So I scheduled an appointment and went through with it. I did a medication abortion. The night before I remember feeling really uneasy and unsure about my decision. I felt it was wrong, but the next day I went anyways. I had been at that clinic for about 3 hours and then I finally went back to take the pill. At that point I was so tired of waiting that I just wanted to leave and I took the pill without really thinking, I think I was blocking out what my heart knew was wrong because I was being selfish. After leaving the clinic I was fine for about 3 hours. Then it hit me out of nowhere, I started to have a panic attack about what I had done and how I could not take it back or change it. I called the hospital to see if there was a way to reverse that pill. They told me they didn't think there was. I called the abortion clinic and asked and they said I needed to go through with it because there could be major deformities in the child if the pregnancy did stay. I debated on what to do, if I should take the next set of pills (these pills basically cause you to cramp so you can get everything out). I waited a day and a half and I finally decided to take them so I didn't have to prolong it anymore. I was fine then, almost relieved in a way as much as I hate to say that. But a few weeks later my anxiety came back ( I have a small history with anxiety problems) and I would get really depressed about the abortion. I get so upset because I can't take it back, and I have sometimes panicked because I thought god couldn't forgive me for it. I know now that it was a big mistake. I had no idea I would feel this way. I knew I would probably feel a little bad but I didn't expect this. I know I would never have an abortion again no matter what the circumstances. I also know now that God does forgive me. I like to think that my next baby will be the same one given back to me. That I just made a mistake and since I was meant to have the baby I aborted, I will have it later on. That thought brings me a lot of comfort. It helps me to move on from that and realize that I just made a mistake.

In my experience... DO whatever helps you cope. You are forgiven for this, and God understands that it was a moment of weakness. This is a heart breaking story and I want you to know that, though I haven't had an abortion, this is completely normal for girls to go through. I think that praying, crying, grief, anger, anxiety, and nightmares- those types of things- are normal and a part of the healing process.

Best of luck to you and I hope you are able to heal.

Thank you for sharing your painful and very personal story with all of us. Thank you also for sharing your belief in the saving power of God's unending mercy and generous forgiveness. I am a strong believer in asking God to forgive me for my sins daily, and for the sins I committed in the past. One thing I've learned as I've gone through these last 22 yrs after my abortion, (March 12, 1987), is that I was forgiven for my sins immediately and completely because I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea that he created that life inside me and the innocent baby was HIS. Because I had made the choice to have sex with my boyfriend before marriage he created a life inside me. I then, unknowingly, had an obligation to God to fullfill the bond between a man and a women and to give life. I was blessed with that baby to nurture and give it life on earth and to protect and raise it so that it would one day return to HIM.

He forgave me for letting that life go because he knew in my heart that I was too young and immature to understand what I had let go of.

I hope you may continue to find comfort and understanding from God and that you turn to him when you're feeling anxious and pressured to make decisions. He will calm your soul with his love and grace.

Many blessings,
myangelsinheaven

Its so hard reading stories like yours,its so alike the pain I am feeling and its been almost 3 years since mine..
I really wish to talk to you,give you a hug,and let you cry out,cause that's what you need,you need to cry and release your heart,and then talk as much as you want..
Talking about it,that's the only thing that will help you somehow move on.
Belive me I've been there,and from my experience out..talking helped me to go on with life.

Do you know the story about the spirit baby?every lost baby comes back,please google it,and if you don't find it then pm me and ill email it to you!

If you ever wanna talk,just pm me!

Love,
Monika