Hello all. Well many of you might know me by another screen name but I couldn't for the life of me remember it and my password, so i decided to create another name. Anyway yesterday was the one year anniversay of my abortion. On Nov 11th, 2005 I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I terminated my 8 week old healthy baby. I remember it like it was yesterday my boyfriend and I woke up at 5 am in the morning to get to the out patient clinic in time because my doctor wanted me to be \"first\". My boyfriend and I came to the mutal decision that it was the only option I had. My family wouldn't exactly throw me a parade when I announced my pregnancy and my bf not having his legal papers couldn't assist me the way I would've needed. So termination seemed like my only option. It all happened so quickly, the nurse took me to the back had me a sign 10 pages of legal crap just in case my uterus was punctured and in the case of dealth blah blah. Then I sat in a waiting room full of other men and woman there to have out patient surgery. I swore everyone new I was there to have an abortion, a sudden layer of shame seemed to overcome me. But I didnt have time to dwell others were waiting. So they put me on the operating table and that was it. I woke up 30 minutes later and it was all over. I felt SOOOOOO empty. The naseous feeling I was having earlier seemed to diminish but I was starving because my I was told not to eat 12 hours before surgery. Almost immediately I woke up in a room with a woman putting a maxi pad on me and asking me my bf's name so that he could help me gather my things and leave. The moment I saw my bf a wave of emotions came I cried like I NEVER have before. It was so bad my bf had to use his coat to muffle my moans For months later I couldnt look at a baby, hearing one cry made me angry, babysitting my bfs niece was the most heart wrenching thing. But my bf has been great he's been there for every tear, all my late nite episodes. For months I woke up at 5 am like clock work it was the weirdest thing. Anyway I know many might wonder why I even bothered telling my story Just to let other women know its not as easy as the doctors make it seem, They NEVER seem to tell you about all the emotional baggae that you'll carry for years, possibly a lifetime. So before you make your decision please take a LOT of time to think. All in all I made the best decision for me at the time, thats why I chose my screen name wonderful mistake. My baby was a wonderful mistake. I will have the due date etched in my brain, June 20th, 2006. I would've had a beautiful 4 1/2 month old baby. Any feed back is welcomed even if its just to chat.
