I just found out I was pregnant. I am 24 years old and live with a very abusive boyfriend. He is an alcoholic, and won't leave my house no matter how many times I ask him to move out. He has been convicted of domestic violence and is on probation, and if he doesn't follow probation he will be sentenced to 9 months in jail. Drinking goes against probation. My apartment complex will kick me out if he is arrested there, so I cannot call the police when he is acting erratic
My family lives in Boston and I live in Flagstaff Arizona. They think he's moved out because he called them once when he was drunk and started telling them that I was drunk and that I wouldn't come home with him. The reason I wouldn't come home was that he was being verbal abusive towards me and got kicked out of the bar by the manager, They think we are working on our relationship and that we only see each other once in a while.
I am miserable. I have had two abortions, one from rape and another from being on the patch. The patch wasn't strong enough to prevent pregnancy because I gained weight from being on crutches for almost a year, My boyfriend constantly brings it up, and calls me a baby killer and tells me I should just go kill myself or he will kill me.
I said if I ever got pregnant again I would keep it and raise it. My boyfriend told me he got tested and couldn't have kids. He used to be an amature bull rider and hurt himself when he was riding. I believed him and I didn't for a year that we were together. I refuse to have an abortion because I haven't forgiven myself for the one 2 years ago, and the one 3 years ago.
I am really depressed. I feel like everyone including my family would be better off without me. I am at my last ropes. I have a college education, but I live in a town that has hardly any opportunity to make a living. I am barely making enough money to pay my bills. I cry almost everyday, while my boyfriend tells me to shut the f*** up. I don't know what to do anymore. I am feeling horrible about myself, and that isn't the right environment to bring a child up in, I want to have this baby, but I don't know how to surive with a boyfriend who is so selfish,

Jillian<br><br>Post edited by: acas, at: 2006/10/09 19:18

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. and you are right. Bringing a child up in that environment would be horrible. You need to get out of there before things get worse. I am telling you right now, that if i was in your situation I would tell my family the truth about what is happening. It doesn't matter what they \&quot;think\&quot; is going on between you and your bf. They need to know so they can help you! You don't need a guy like that in your life. No one does. You are beautiful and don't deserve this. Get out of there now and raise your beautiful baby! You won't be sorry!! Please let us all here know how you are doing!

Is there any way you could move and get away from your boyfriend? It sounds like you need support and he does not provide any. You also need to forgive yourself for the abortions you had. Look online, there are websites and programs to help you recover. I'll be praying for you.
Teresa

honey i'am telling you right now if you are going to keep that baby you need to get out of there, pregnany is suppose to be a beautiful happy thing not for you to be misarable all the time, go home to your family, and if you can't do that there are plenty of places that will help you just look it up, i know it sounds scarey starting over and raising your kid on your own but in the end you will realize it's the best thing you caould do for your baby cause things will only get worst the further along in your pregancy you get, you will need more and you will want more attention. so think about your baby and go far away from that man, when your gone he might realize that he wants his family and change mine was the same way when i left, he realized what he lost, we are still married and happily, he is the best father in the world and now he knows what life is like without me and his son and he dosen't want that he nneds us as much as we need him, so go babe give him time to think, you are bringing something so beautiful beyond words into this world and you need to enjoy that.. i you need to talk i'm here keep me posted. (don't let him put his hands on you!!) if he does call the police hopefully your landlord will understand

i think you should definately tell your family whats going on. they will probably help, or else you should immediately start looking for another apartment. whatever you do you need to get away from this man and out of this environment right away. you dont deserve to be treated that way, you're worht so much more than that. plus putting that much stress on yourself is not good for the baby. honey please take my advice and get out of there as soon as possible, do it for you're baby, but more importantly do it for yourself because you are a beautiful woman who deserves so much better than that.

best of luck, my prayers go out to you.

gina lynn

I know it isnt as easy as it sounds, but you really do need to get away from him. My sister was in an abusive relationship (my nephews father) and it took her three years to get away. She is a manic depressant and it was very bad for her. If he wont leave, you need to. Pack your stuff up and go someday when he isnt there! If he has told you to kill yourself or he will then it is time for you to get away! Go stay with a friend or a relative until you can get a place. Or move back to where your family lives! When your baby is born you dont want him/her to be around a person like that! Whos to say that if he is that cruel to you he wont be to your baby???? Men like that can abuse a child as well as the mother! You need to think of the life that you have in you and get away from that all! You are smart and I bet your a wonderful person. Dont let a man get you down and make you feel this way! And dont let a man like that be around your precious child! Your child could turn out like him if the child is raised around it! You can make a better life for your baby and yourself! No woman deserves to be treated the way you do! Its sickening tha he can treat you like that! Please Please for the sake of that fragile life leave that terrible man. And just because you had an abortion doesn't make you what he called you!<br><br>Post edited by: acas, at: 2006/10/31 14:48