A little about me: I'm 23 years old, graduated from college in June, still live at home, have an OK paying job and my boyfriend and I have been together for just 6 months. My boyfriend: 21 years old, lives with his dad, never went to college and doesn't have a well paying job.
My boyfriend and I have talked about what we would do if I ever got pregnant and we agreed that it wouldn't fit into our lives now and we wouldn't have means to support it. It's easy to say how you would react to a situation but it's quite different when you are faced with it. I'm almost 8 weeks pregnant and I felt like he wasn't giving me a choice but just telling me I had to get rid of it. I felt like I couldn't do it on my own and I'm afraid of telling my parents because it would dissapoint them.
On the way to the clinic I cried and I didn't want to get out of the car. My boyfriend said we had no choice. I got upset because there IS a choice. I want to chose life but I don't have his support. When we got there I cried as I got the sonogram and blood work. I told my boyfriend I didn't want to do this and I wanted to go home. With an unconcerned look on his face he said we HAVE to do this. When I went into counseling I cried more and decided after hearing about the pain of taking the abortion pill and how it lasts for 30 days I couldn't do it. He wasn't happy that we came all that way for nothing but when I told him about the pain he didn't want me to go through that. He said I could have the surgical procedure instead. He says the guilt will go away and I'll be better off. I'm just ending a process not killing a baby.
I get upset with myself because I have a college degree and with enough hard work I could eventually get a decent job and support the baby. But is it fair to have a baby with the father not around or have a father around out of obligation and not because he wants to? If he worked hard enough we could do this but he doesn't want to.
I'm so scared that I will make the wrong decision. I'm scared I'm making an emotional decision and not a logical one. I'm cutting my life short before it even begins. Where do I get money to support this child? I have to make a choice quick! With all this against me how do I stand up?