I got pregnant, unexpectedly, when i was 15.......I honestly didn't know I was pregnant until I went to the hospital...I had only gained 15 punds and my period was normal.....anyways, long story short, my son is 3 now and he's the light of my life. I wouldn't be here without him. The part I'm having trouble with is this......when I was pregnant my boyfriend left me for about frou months (he came back a month after our son was born) and we're still haning on. However, I got pregnant again last november.....welll, I guess it was october......or actually augut 'cause by the time I went to the clinic I was almost three months along.....anyways.......There really is a point to this, I'm just kinda nervous to be talking about it. I had an abortion on Nvember 11th and I kinda dealt with it myself. I know it's kinda silly 'cause it's about 6 months later now, but I still feel empty. I can still feel the needle and I can still feel how hollow it was. I don't know what to do, I don't know if this is normal and I don't know who I can talk to about this. Now my boyfriend is teling me it's time to get rid of our sons baby monitor, and I just can' bring myself to tell him that the reason I don't want to is because I should still have a baby. She would have been three months old. I fell so horrible obsessing over this because my son is starting pre-school, and it's just driving m crazy. I don't know why I'm still obsessing over the dead when I can still love the living. I don't know what to do.......I should still have a baby........

I'm so sorry that you had to go through the pain of the abortion and I can understand how you are feeling. Why didn't you tell your boyfriend about the pregnancy? Perhaps he would have been supportive. Its not good to keep such strong feelings of pain, loss, and guilt inside. I would talk to a group like Project Rachel or other post-abortion counseling. They should be able to help you deal with your feelings. I would also talk to your boyfriend and tell him what happened and how you are feeling. From my experiences relationships are strongest when both partners are able to openly communicate their feelings and be there to support one another through hard times. I will keep you in my prayers.

I did tell him about it. We talked about it and he even came to the clinic with me. He's just not comfortable talking about it. He helped me....kinda....one night, I was crying in my sleep and he asked me what was wrong and I just rubbed my stomach and said 'there should be a baby in there.\" He just held me and told me that she was with god....blah blah blah....it really helped. But where it's so long after it's happened, I don't know if he'd be able to understand any of it. I don't know if I hould tell him everything I'm feeling, or even how to broach the subject.

Okay. I'm sorry that I misunderstood. I don't know how you should bring up the topic with your bf. If he brings up the subject of getting rid or your son's baby monitor you can share with him why you are feeling reluctant and sad. It doesn't seem like this is affecting him on as deep of an emotional level. I would guess that his reaction would probably be similar to before. At least he would know how you are feeling though. I would still reccommend that you seek post-abortion counseling. I haven't personally gone through the pain of an abortion, but I have heard that it can help to deal with some of the emptiness, pain, and grief. There have been many times that I wish I could go back in the past and change the past. Unfortunately it isn't possible to undo the abortion, but you can learn from the experience and you can focus on being the best possible mother to your son and to any future children you have. Best wishes.

Let me jusy say that what you are feeling is absolutely normal. Most women who have had abortions feel the residual effects for a long time. I suggest that you find someone independent of the situation and with some experience on the subject that can help you work through this incredibly emotional ordeal. I've never had an abortion myself, but have known many who have. I do know what it's like to deal with the loss though, cause I had a miscarriage almost 3 years ago. Now I have a 5 week old son, but I still often wonder about the child we lost. Remember that you are not alone, and the more you allow yorself to talk it out and deal with the guilt and pain, the more you will figure that out.

first off lemme just say how much i feel for you. i can't even imagine how hard it must have been to opt to have an abortion. i understand your circumstances though. i'm the mother of a little boy and he's currently 18 months old. if his father and i were to conceive another child any time in the near future i would be at a loss. it would be difficult enough for a girl who was aborting her first pregnancy, but because you already had your little boy you know what you're actually aborting. i think i would suggest telling your boyfriend what has taken place and why you really don't want to get rid of the baby monitor. that's probably going to be a rough conversation, but maybe he could help you through it. i honestly don't think you can hold that inside of yourself for very long w/out it doing some major damage to yourself. a child is a huge thing, and coping w/ the loss of a child (no matter the reason) is an unbearable thing to endure. talking might help you through this. remember, you still have your little boy and he needs his mommy. even though six months may seem like a long time, it's actually a relatively short time span for something like this, so you have to consider what things will be like a year or five years down the road if you let this eat you up silently. i'm sure that whatever you decide to do will be the right choice, and you will definately be in my thoughts and prayers!