To start this off, let me give you some background info; I am 17, I live with my fiance of two years in my mom's house, we're looking to get our own place and he may be joining the military. We got pregnant last fall, and unfortunately, that ended in miscarriage. From the end of June until the second week of December, Kyle and I had his baby sister (born June 23rd, 2010) in our constant care. His mom contantly took off all over town - day and night - leaving us with the responsibility of raising her. Don't get me wrong, we did a great job and love her to death, but the point is, she was not our baby, or our responsibility, but we raised her as if she were. Now then, my fiance and I have talked about it, and we both really want to have a family right now. We have decided to try for a baby, and have been getting lots of heat for this. Given our situation, I am at a loss as to why.I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this, and give some insight as to why I am being looked down upon for wanting to have a baby, even if I am young. I am not going to college, I am going to be a full-time wife and mother, and Kyle is going to be the one to work and provide for our family, because that is the life we want. That being said, I fail to see why people have told me I should not have a baby. Sorry for the ranting, I just needed to let it out

Hey you....I know we have talked about this a few times and I DO agree that you know what you want and that you fully understand the details of having not just a baby but a family and raising another person...with that said I will simply answer your question of Why Not? Why not? Your parents will not allow you to get married right now, it will be another year and a half before you can legally get married, if you cannot wait a year and a half for the benefit of your own child then what other areas of patience will you practice in your life? I know you have experience with a screaming baby in the middle of the night, great, that will help you tremendously...what kind of legacy do you want to leave? The kind of legacy that goes against your parents? When your baby is 16 and wants to get pregnant on purpose, whether they have your responsibility or not what will you do? They WILL and I promise you use the whole, YOU DID IT why cant I?....the choices you make right now in this moment will carry through your life....YOU may be perfectly capable of making these decisions and carrying the weight of the consequences, good and bad...you cannot speak for your bf or your future kids....dying to ourselves is part of being a mom...sometimes we have to put what WE want on hold for the best interest of our family....if you cannot wait and put this particular WANT on hold then no matter how much you know, have practiced etc...you may not have what it takes to put other things on hold....can you acknowledge that waiting is BEST for all of you? If you can acknowledge that then purposely going against that counsel shows a selfish heart...I do not say this to hurt you, only to reveal deeper than surface truths that I have had to experience with painful repercussions...Because I KNOW you are the mature, responsible woman you are I KNOW that you have what it takes to wait and do this right...I hope you will see that within yourself as well and be patient...you WILL be a wonderful mom, I KNOW it...but please, start practicing NOW by waiting...Love Meg

Maybe this is just because I had a really bad day today, with a wedding-related fiasco, but I' not sure what you mean by 'do this right'. I don't really see the difference between being married before, or after. To me and Kyle, it's all the same. We act like a married couple already, and the actual marriage itself with just be to have the legal part of it covered. My parents may sign consent for a shotgun wedding if Kyle joins the army anyway. There's a lot of things up in the air surrounding my parents, though. But, I just don't see that the difference is, for us personally. I know it is different for everyone, though. And I respect your opinion. I just don't really see how a year makes much of a difference in how it benefits our child and future children. So, would you mind elaborating? haha. (sorry, I'm really emotionally drained from today, or this post would have been more coherent.)

okay first off I'm not her "bf" I'm her Fiance. whether the insult was intentional or not it does stick out. exactly what benefit does our children gain from Megan and i being married?

i don't understand why your apart of this community. obviously every teenage parent goes against there parents when they become pregnant intentionally or not. especially when your parent(s) demand that you get an abortion. But its also different if your considered an adult in a years time and not five years time. AND if you have plans on where your life is moving and if your already on the track.

who's to say that they will? they might be work driven like most people these days or gay. know one knows.

anyone who uses such pitiful excuses is very immature and is solid proof that they aren't worthy of being parents and that would be pointed out to the child and made clear that they have some growing up to do. if they decided to become pregnant regardless then they will be growing up really fast. But obviously it wont ever come to that due to how the child will be raised.

iv heard this before. someone said that they wanted to travel but couldn't because of having a baby, someone else said that they missed partying with all their friends while they were waking up every other hour to feed the baby. honestly i don't care about any of that. i don't want to travel anywhere and i don't party. The only things i enjoy involve me not leaving my house. SO its pretty convenient for moi.

i dont understand the kids part..are you saying having kids in general is bad? we as human beings never ask to be born. so we wouldn't be even able to speak for our children to be and she is absolutely capable of making these decisions and speaking for me due to the fact of us constantly talking about our future and planning things out and agreeing on everything.

and what family is there when all they want is for you to live their way, their lives?

i personally cannot and i dont see why we should either. im aloud joining the military at the age of 16 im 17 and will be 18 in less than a months time. it sounds as if you don't know this..but the military provides a wealthy pay check bi weekly, health benefits and housing. perfect living conditions for my children. never having to move from house to house. never having to go without food or hydro.

now your last line.. meaning..wait now to have children to gain the patience you already have..so your calling us impatient because we want to start our family and move on with our lives like most kids want to do at this age..but wait..this isn't what today's day in age kids want?!??!?! what sin!!!!! today's day in age is all about work until your 30's so then you end up raising the 5 kids you want until your 50s! but then world war 3 happens and finishes and the baby boomers come back.

venting is always good babe, you just gotta be careful as to where you vent it out.

My point was that if her parents are not ready to sign consent then there must be a reason for it....if she cannot marry you with their blessing then I feel it is important to wait for that, the issue of them forcing an abortion is WAAAAY different and has no comparison when it comes to "disobeying"....I simply said what I did, I am ALL FOR you two getting married and starting a family, with what Megan has shared with me, her goals, dreams and ambitions I would say the sooner the better, however if her parents are not ready to sign consent, I think it is ALWAYS better to start a marriage and a family in peace with the rest of the family....if she is of legal age and they do not want you two married that is THEIR problem, but until they give that permission and she is a minor they have that say....I have NO PROBLEMS with starting a family young, having kids as an older teenager etc....I personally just feel and it is backed by the statistics that show children born to married couples have a much more solid sense of security, do better in school etc...I know there are exceptions to the rule and before you get all up in my case you may want to review the emails between Megan and I and see that I have supported her goals and dreams and edified her and encouraged her and built her up as a future mom...I KNOW she will be a great parent....my only statement is that you two should get married FIRST....is that really such a big deal to wait for? I know the difference, you do not....I got married with kids in tow, it was hard for THEM, when we are parents it is ALL ABOUT THE KIDS....think of THEM...you have not joined the services YET, you do not have that wealthy paycheck YET, you do not have the medical benefits YET...will it really hurt you to wait? NO...Can it hurt you AND your kids to NOT wait? YES...that is my point...if you go and join the services and God forbid something happen to you, your children will be provided for but NOT Megan, unless she is your WIFE....The military does not support girl friends or fiances, they take care of WIVES...all I am saying is get married before you have kids, if there is even a shred of something that could go wrong do you want to risk it? You have NOTHING to loose by waiting but you do risk certain things by NOT waiting....My husband and I have already decided that if our daughter is 16, 17, 18 and she meets her match, the one, and he is in a position to support her we will sign the papers and let her marry while she is still in high school...I am NOT against teenagers KNOWING WHAT THEY WANT...I am just a firm believer in doing things the cautious way, if there is a risk, wait, its worth it...I will finish the thread with this statement...if you KNOW what you want and DO NOT care for advice then don't ask for it....I answered a question, I did NOT push my beliefs, I did NOT volunteer an opinion that was NOT asked for....If you have made up your mind then that is all there is to it but don't keep asking for advice if you are not willing to hear and listen...if a 15 year old is perfectly capable of driving a car, owns a car and is really good at handling it, great...however until they have their license they are not LEGAL...by not being legal you cannot purchase insurance, you get in a wreck with no insurance and you are going to regret it....so sure, you want to start a family, you are well practiced and physically capable of doing so but is it wise just yet? I hope you two make really good decisions, I have NO DOUBT that you will live a long and happy life together and have a blessed and wonderful family....I just hope that you will do things in a way that does not burn bridges or put yourselves into a bad situation...Love Meg

Well, I understand what you're saying here Meg, and I do appreciate your input. I wasn't looking for ways to change my mind, just trying to understand why people view this as such a bad thing for us. So, thank you.

It isnt' so much the fact that my parent's don't want us to get married. My family loves Kyle, and they treat him like he's already part of the family. (with the exception of my father, but as far as I'm concerned, he is no longer a part of my life anyway). My mom just has a thing where she doens't want to 'bend the rules' ie; sign for me to get married, get a tattoo etc under 18. And I understand that, but by having a family now, and then getting officially married in a year, it's not really going against my family's wishes.

Also, I do understand what you mean from a legal stand point. But I'd also like to say that my brother was born out of wedlock, and then 5 years down the road my parents were married and it was fine. He was always with both our parents, and they even tried for another baby before they were engaged. My dad didn't even propose to my mom until after they got pregnant the second time around, and then ended up having a miscarriage. Kyle asked me to marry him before we ever got pregnant or decided to try again, and we have always been committed to each other.

I guess it's just my personal opinion, because I've seen it happen within my family, but I don't see how being married shortly after our baby is born will make very much of a difference. If we have concieved this past cycle, our baby will be four months old when we get officially married. They won't really know the difference. We will both always be there, and be taking care of them, so htey will be perfectly happy whether we're married or not for that short time. That's the point I was trying to make yesterday, but I was completely emotionally drained and my mind wasn't really lucid.

Also, this marriage point may end up being moot if I don't get pregnant in the next few months, because I may turn 18 during my pregnancy and we'll be able to go get the papers in order before I deliver.

This is kind of a side point, but as we live in Canada, the majority of our health care needs are paid for by the government. The insurance from the military if for, say if you was a private room in the hospital instead of being in a ward, or semi-private. The government health care only pays for the ward. Insurance will cover the semi-private of private room if you decide you want that. SO my basic needs would be covered in the event of something happening to Kyle before we are married. Although, seeing as Canada isn't deploying anyone else into the actual war, it's not very likely that he would be out in direct harms way. But I know, accidents happen everyday.

Basically what I'm trying to say is, I don't think a couple months will make a hue difference in our child's life, especially considering they will be an infant at the time. And also, you neverknow. My mom may change her mind when Kyle joins the forces, if I'm pregnant at the time.