so i used to come to this site for years under the name of holy_foxtrot.

i have since made this new account, and im starting fresh.

i came onto this site because i was just googling teenage pregnancy out of curiosity. I was reading some of the stories on here and thinking to myself, i dont know how girls can go through with these abortions - it would be so painful, not just physically but mentally as well! I decided then and there if it ever happened to me i would keep my baby no matter what. No one could tell me to have an abortion. Ever.

Sooner or later - i got pregnant. I miscarried at 6 weeks and 6 days on the 28th of March 2006. Absolutely shattered and scared out of my wits, i had no one to turn to. I was alone. I was then diagnosed with endometriosis the following year which the doctors told me my chance of having kids was quite slim and if i did manage to get pregnant i would most likely miscarry.

I forgot about trying for a baby with my then boyfriend who was dishonest and untrustworthy. I broke it off and we went our seperate ways. I met a boy this time last year, a guy im still with now. I went on the pill, took it everyday at the same time without fail. Mid August this year, my body started feeling different and my boobs were hurting, i knew something was off. I was scared to take a test, because i knew in the back of my mind i was pregnant. My housemate bought me the test. Two pink lines, i was scared, happy i could get pregnant, excited, nervous and then suddenly very upset. Oh god. The pill failed! What would Dale think?!? Then all the other questions popped into my mind...i have been out clubbing, drinking and smoking at least two times a week...im anemic, i have low folate levels...i knew there was a big chance that something could be wrong with this baby.

I told Dale, and as much as i didnt want to say yes to the abortion. I did. I said yes. My head was screaming NO ANNA DONT! But i am so in love with Dale, i didnt want to jepordise our realtionship, i didnt want him to be forced to look after a child he didnt want. I was 18...he was 21, and yes we are considered adults, we werent ready. I regret this choice everyday, i constantly think about it, i dream about it, i cry all the time about it. I miss my unborn baby, who i will never get to meet. I came to this site and ultimatly failed being a true Stand up Girl. I helped girls on this site to choose keeping their baby, i have 'watched' girls go from nearly aborting their baby to having their baby and seeing/hearing the updates on whats going on in their lives now and how they are coping.

That could have been me, i could be pregnant still. Right now. I would have been 16 weeks, and due on the 23rd of April 2010. I am triggered everyday, constantly by even the littlest things. Small animals, children, movies, pregnant people. The list goes on.

I am waiting on the arrival of the ultrasound picture i requested from the clinic the other day. Its the only thing i have left of my unborn child.

I will never forget you little angel; 04/04/2009 - im sorry you had to grow wings.

ultrasound picture confirmed it to be twins - legally the clinc was supposed to tell me and they didnt.

ik exactly what you are going thro..because ive been there. except i never miscarried. but when i was 14 i got pregnant. i wanted nothing more than to keep it..but i felt like everyone except me was against it, especially my boyfriend at the time. i didnt kno what to do, n eventually i was tlkd into an abortion. it was the most painful thing i have ever been thro..both physically and emotionally. i still to this day carry my ultra sound picture around with me everywhere i go..i feel like a part of me is missing and that it will never again b filled. i am now 17 and i still wnt to cry at the site of seeing another baby. now, im not trying to discourage you, trust me things do get better, the feelings never go away completely but everything will b ok. i now hoping to get pregnant again, because i feel like i am ready to b a mom, and the guy i am with is amazing and i think he understands what im going thro. but if you ever need nething, nething at all jst message me im always here for you!!

much love,

~lauren

i am sorry that you feel that way, i really am... i wish there would be something that would ease your pain, but i know from my own experience...theres nothing else than time. it may sound unbelivable, but time does help. its been 3 years since my abortion, there are some hard days, but in general its alot easier...

keep in your mind that you have your whole life to have a baby. if it is written in the stars then you will get pregnant again, even tho the doctors say theres a slim chance, miracles does happen, and your will happen when you will be ready. since you did go through the abortion, you arent ready for a baby yet. once youll get pregnant again you will be the happiest person on earth, cause you will know you have everything you can to offer to that baby, and know that how happy you are in one way, cause you are having two little angels inheaven watching over you / your family.

You poor thing Anna. After such a hard decision and also knowing that now you CAN get pregnant.
If you knew it was twins at the time before u made the choice would the outcome be the same though?

although i myself have never had an abortion, i hav many friends who have and i knw its not easy to deal with. m sorry that you had to go through the pain. time will heal the pain. u are fortunate enough to still have the chance to have kids. wat is important is that u forgive yourself. i am sure that your twins would have forgiven you.