i'm Debra, I'm 17 and i had an abortion about 10 months ago & i stil am crying over it.
I think that there is a bit of g-ds will or karma or whatever but my cousin is an adoptive mom. She cannot have kids and has a great little girl now and I always think what if...

anyhow, she's looking to adopt again and she doesn't know that I had an abortion and she told my mom that she's worried if it takes too long she might just give up the adoption stuff. she said that the right person hasn't found her family.

i could have had a baby and she prays for another baby for her family and she is a perfect mom. she even is a great friend for the birthmom of her daughter

agh, it just makes me feel worse. i'm not sure if i can tell her about my experience but i wish i could help her find the baby that would be her child.

any advice?

Hey Deborah, My name is Meg, I am so sorry for the secret pain you hold inside. There truly is no way of "making up" for your lost child, another baby will not replace him/her and having a baby just for the purpose of giving your cousin a child to adopt is not going to help the situation. I am sorry if that is not the answer you expect but I do want you to know that I think you have a very sweet heart to even think of something so brave and selfless. Have you thought about post abortive counseling? Here are two different options, one you can email Lisa, she helps out on the site and she has been through a lot and can relate to the experience you have had with abortion, her email is This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , also you can call this number, 1-800-395-HELP, they can give you the number and location to the closest pregnancy resource center to you where you can find free help and resources for post abortive counseling.....I hope this has helped a little with pointing you in the right direction for healing...I am praying for you sweetie and I am here anytime you need to talk!! Love Meg, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Hi Debra,
I am sure seeing your cousin have this baby is very hard on you. I can only imagine that you still dealing with the abortion and her wanting a baby only makes it harder. Unfortunately you can't be the one to fix her void or the baby missing in her life. If you had the baby and she was to adopt it I would think that would be one of the most painful things to have to face on a regular basis. That your cousin was able to take care of your baby but you were not. That she was a perfect mom and you were not a mom. Sometimes you just have to let nature take it's course. You had the abortion but that has nothing to do with your cousins situation. When the time is right you will be a mom and so will your cousin. Even if it is with the adopted child. My advice would be to heal yourself emotionally don't try to make up for any previous choices. No matter what you do going forward it will not change the past. You have to accept and grow from here. I know that seems impossible right now but in time I promise it will happen. Best of luck. Jessica

If I could talk one girl who is not ready to parent to not abort and to consider adoption I'd feel like I went thru this for a reason. to help Esther.

Hey Deborah!
My name is Monika..I'm 19 and a mom to three angels. I can say from the first hand,having another baby isn't fulfilling the emptyness that an aborted baby gives to someone.
A little backup,I had an abortion back in 06,I felt empty cause of it and cried about it all the time.I cried eveb through the pregnancy.. And I miss that baby even now. ..I was pregnant with twins,to who I gave birth on Feb 5th.
And still..the emptyness and sadness of the abortion stays.
It does get easier to live with it but my point is,having another baby won't help you.but talking will.please om me whenever you want,I will try to help you the best I can.
Please,keep in contact,it helps.
Love,
Monika