many of u know me, im 16 married n have an 9month old... well guess what....
im pregnant AGAIN! i found out 2weeks bak bcoz i started feelin queezy in the mornin but no mornin sickness, it was at this stage that it hit me that i hadent seen my period since the beginin of october! anyway thinkin up every other excuse for the feelin n rulin it out i went 2 buy a test but it was like i was preparin 4 a negativ, then that second red line appeared, i was... blown away, i told my husband who was playin with our daughter at the time...'im gonna kill u' n handed him the test but it still hadent sunk into me, he was smililng n happy n tellin Aamina that she gonna be a big sister... as i organised her bathing things tears started pouring down my face... they were not tears of joy, i didnt want this! sure i luv bein a mum but i wasn ready 4 another one, i wanted 2 raise my baby girl properly with all my attention n i had plans 2 finish school next year, i wud have liked 2 hav anada baby wen she was about 2yrs... i was sooo upset n angry at everything! my husband in his wisdom jus kept quiet n observed me but i lashed out at him n he took it very lightly knowin that i wud b this way... till today i still hav resentment toward this pregnancy, does that make me a bad person? although i will never abort or hope 2 miscarry, im just not happy, i cant do this again so soon i dont want to, im not ready! i feel low low low, i thought i was comin 2 terms wit it but im jus foolin myself! i have yet to tell my parents but that ill do in time, im jus havin a real hard time knowin that im preg again even though im breastfeedin n on the pill... i need 2 talk to mums that have or have raised children close in age... how is hard is it? i need brutal honesty...i just know im gonna b a bad mum 2 this second baby! i hate myself for feelin this way!