I have to get it out. Mothers, look out for your babies. When I was six years old, my cousin began sexually molesting me. Once a week or more for two years. I told my little sister I was only crying because we were playing house and I was pretending. My world is falling down around me. I had pushed this out, made myself forget until a month ago i had a boyfriend who guilted me into sex. And the memories came back. I am almost 19 and I'm just remembering. And you know, his father molested him. And his father was molested by an uncle. It is a chain. And I have been afraid to have kids because I wonder if I'm messed up. Well now I think I may be pregnant but I'm not sure or even close to sure. But this is a big thing for me. I have been abused by guys from the time I was 13 until now. Finally When the last guy did it and left bruises, I had sex. I wanted to save myself. I slept with three guys in three months. I am getting a grip now. My current boyfriend is amazing. But I am terrified to think this could happen to my kids or what if I hadnt been there to keep my beautiful innocent sister away from my cousin? My mother was the "model" mother. But it still happened. I am coming to terms with my life. For years I was afraid my family members including my mother father and sister would molest me. Now I know why and I'm no longer afraid. I pray for my cousin and uncle. I knew how to do things at six that you shouldnt know how to do until you are a teenager. or longer. Just take care. Because sometimes the impossible is possible. Any advice is welcome considering this is still hard. God Bless <3

Don't be afraid of the unknown because you can easily break the cycle. I know this is going to be one of the most difficult times in your life, because your spirit is broken and your self esteem is damaged from years of abuse. But, my advice is to seek family counseling.

I know you are trying to keep the peace in your family, but sexual abuse is not something you can turn your head for. You have to let your family know what has happened to you so that it doesn't happen again. If another little girl was molested by your cousin, could you forgive yourself for not coming forward with your story? It's something you have to consider because it very may well be something that you have to live with. I know your cousin was put in a bad situation, but it's the only way to end that vicious cycle. If you don't seek help or make peace with what has happened to you as a child you won't ever be fully whole again.

But I hope things turn out for the best, and I'm sure you will make a great mother (even sooner or later). Let me know what happens!

You come across as string and you will get through this.
I couldnt imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes. Dont look down on yourself for these things that have happened and think you are bad coz you're not.
Having had these things happen will make you more aware about your own children. You will know what to look out for and protect them.

I am praying for your hurt because I know how much pain you must have been in for so long.

If you can do something to report the cousin that molested you than you should do it(I don't know what the laws for child molesters are where you live).
If anyone tries to rape you now you should report them because if you don't they will just go on to do it to someone else.

I want to tell you something that I'm hoping will show you that you can be a good mom.

When my Mom was younger, she used to be around her relatives a lot. Her Mom was always watching and making sure that she didn't go anywhere alone with any of her older boy cousins, and her Dad would joke around with the boys but make it very clear that my Mom belonged to him and that anyone who messed with her would be punished.
Well, my Mom was never molested or touched by her cousins, but she recently found out that her other girl cousins were constantly abused and molested but they didn't tell anyone. the boy cousins went on to rape many other innocent girls.
But my Mom was safe because her parents weren't afraid to make sure she was safe.

I would like to encourage you to google "ngj" and click on the top link. Then up in the search box type "becoming a bear". Read the article "Becoming a Bear"... I think that it will encourage you. (It's not about bears...)

I hope that this helped. I am praying for you!
Hugs!

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I am constantly watching out and being suspicious of anyone around my daughter. I know how damaging it can be, my husband was molested as a child and we still have issues because of it. You are a strong person, I can tell. You are to be commended for speaking out to warn others of the dangers. The good news is that you can break that generational curse, it can stop with you and will not be passed onto your children or their children or even their childrens children. God bless you. I have no advice really other than to seek the strength of Christ and find that healing. But it seems that you are well on your way.