Ladies I am desperate for anyone's words right now.

When I was 15 I had an abortion. It wasn't a bad choice really and I have never regretted it.

I am 30 now, mother of 2 boys, divorced and up until a few weeks ago - in a longish relationship with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He is not really ready for commitment and thats why he ended it. Shortly thereafter I found out I am pregnant with his baby.

Now, I am not far along and the initial reaction from both of us was to \"nip this in the bud\". I am waiting for my doctor's appointment on Friday (just to figure out how far along and so on, not for anything major), but the longer I sit and think about this, the more I want to keep this baby.

Except he doesn't want to and at this point, I can not afford to do this on my own (and I am living in a country where I do not qualify for any social services) and the reality is that I want the man back and I don't want this to be the way it happens.

Now I don't know what to do, I am all confused and torn and I can not figure out how to approach this at all. I am not 15 any longer and I am already a mother. I remember baby toes and this is a really difficult decision to make.

I just feel terribly alone and I can not take either road without some support. I am excited and apprehensive at the same time, and above all I want someone to come and take care of me for a few days and well that is something of an impossibility right now...

Just words, any words, nice words... I don't want to feel I am doing this alone...

You definitely are not in this alone. Right now, things may look unclear and uncertain, but the overall feeling that I get from your post is that you really don't want an abortion.

I think that is great. Yes, it is probably going to be weird and awkward with the baby's father, but he will get over that. This might be a bumpy road for you at first, but you can do it.

You already are a mother and you know the ropes. I believe in you and I believe that you can do this.

*hugs*

Let us know how your doctors appointment turns out.

Well last night, I really let out how I feel about this, which by anyone's standards is still just a mushy ball of confusion. By the end of the \"conversation\" I ended up screaming out that he is the most self-centered person (well not that nice) and that I didn't want to speak to him until he has something to say that is not about his precious future. Needless to say, it was all terribly undignified, however I have never once even yelled at him - so it was a relief to get it off my (very sore) chest...

His position remains and that is fine, I guess. I am really angry at him and so hurt that after this long his concern is only about himself and there seems to be none left over for me - either way. Like never before, this decision is going to be mine... Either way...

Thanks ladies...

It sounds like you have a tough situation on your hands!

Just remember what you said... that the decision is YOURS, not his. If he would leave you over this, he would leave you sooner or later anyways.

I really hope that everything works out good for you!

Let us know how everything turns out, ok?

I can tell you right now that if you have any doubts about having an abortion, do not do it. That kind of decision will haunt you for the rest of your life unless you can truly convince yourself you won't be able to handle it.

On the other hand, don't keep the child to keep him around. That's another big mistake.
So all in all, let us know what decision you made. Sounds rough, darling.

How are things going for you? Did you decide what to do? I hope that you're doing better!
Hugs!