Hello my name is ana i'm 16, a sophmore, and 6mths
pregnant.Well I'm going through some stuff right know and I need someone
to talk to and you just seem the right person. Well I need a suggestion
and I hope that you can help and I'm sorry if I'm taking some of your
time.Well I'll start of with my story.Well me and my boyfriend weren't
even a week when we started to have sex.That's something I'm gonna be
regretting for all my life not because I didnt/dont love him but because
I think we should of atleast gotten to know each other alot more but
anyways when we were 4mths together we found out that I was a month
pregnant at first he wanted me to get an aborbtion but I couldnt do that
because I just couldnt imagine killing someone that was apart of me so I
told him no and he understood (thankfully) well we stayed together and
I had yet to tell my mom well when we were 6mths together and I was
atleast 3mths pregnant his grandmother got sick and he had to go to
Mexico he told me that he would just be gone for 2mths and that when he came
back we would tell my mom and her husband together well he left.Time
past 2mths to be exact and I had yet to hear from him when I was 5mths I
couldnt hide my stomache anymore and I didnt have any other choice
but to tell my mom alone she was very upset at me and I felt terrible
well I still feel terrible dissapointing my mom well my mom eventually got
over it (she still hasnt forgaven me though but I understand) she
agreed thatshe would help me with my baby if my boyfriend dint come back
she never liked him before we got together he used to do drugs and she
found out about that. but he doesnt do it anymore thankfully i made sure
about that before we got together but anyways the point is that he isnt
the person that she wants me to be with. well recently i heard from
him see after he left we got our number changed and that was the reason i
hadnt heard from him well he got our/my new number from one of my
friends well he called me and he told me that he wants me to go live with
him he told me that he would work and help me with my baby and that he
would still let me go to school but well when i told my mom she was
upset because like i said before she doesnt like him for me and she
especially doesnt like that he left me when i neede him the most.but i dont
know what to do should i go live with him because i mean i do love him
but i dont know i really dont want my baby to live without a father cause
i know what its like but my mom told me that if i dont decide to go
live with him then he wouldnt be allowed to come and see his baby and
like i said before i dont want my baby to grow up without a father.so what
do you think i should do go live with him or stay with my mom please
help!

Sincerely,

Ana

Hi Ana17,
I read your story and am curious if you have made a decision yet as to what you are going to do? There are a lot of people out there who will and can help you through this. Are you considering adoption at all? You are sooo young and have so much life left ahead of you to have so much responsibility already.

BabyLover

Yea, to tell you the truth I did think about it but I dont think that its something I can do.I know that I'm to young but I mean really I put myself in this possission and I dont want it to affect my baby.

Personally, I think you should stay with your mom. No matter what the circumstances are at home, I think it would be a more risky decision to have the baby in a country where you potentially couldn't get insurance or have any way to pay for your baby's birth. It sounds like you don't know where in Mexico you would be going and that could be bad because if they don't have the medical care or drugs available where you are going then there is a risk your baby could have problems and potentially die, not to mention you might have to go through the birth without pain medication...and then there's always the chance that YOU could have some problem and die. There's a chance your boyfriend might leave you - you said he was on drugs at one point and whether he's clean or not he has chosen to live in a place where drugs are probably more readily available to him if he chooses and then there's always the chance that you might not be able to get back into the united states if you DO have problems with your boyfriend such as abuse and whatever. I mean, these ARE all what ifs...and what if you move down there with him and everything goes great for you? You just never know, but in my opinion the risks seem to outweigh the benefits for moving down there. It was his choice to move in the first place - he can come back at any time and be a father to his child if he wants. There are plenty of opportunities for you and your child here in the US...including another man to fall in love with. You just never know. If you want my opinion and advice, I'd say stay here in the US. Good luck!

Ana,
This is just my opinion but I think that the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is to consider adoption. Then you can get a loving family who will take care of this baby and get it all the love and support it needs who is ready for a baby. You can finish school, go to college, find someone later in life you want to settle down with and have children with. Again, this is my opinion but I do hope you will consider what is in the best interest for your child as well as yourself.

BabyLover

Ana,

Thanks for sharing your story. First of all, let me say that I have never been in this situation before, but my wife has. She was 16 when she had her daughter and had to make a decision of what she thought was right. It is not easy, but remember that you are not only making this decision for yourself, but for you child. It is good that your mom has offered to help and cares enough about your and your child to want to help. I would say that you should stay with her. Even though we don't like to admit it all the time, our parents know things that we don't! I know when my wife was in this situation, her mom was so helpful!

Although it may not seem like it, there will come somone who will fill the role of your child's father. They may not call them 'dad', but there are many great guys out there - don't give up. How despertely do you want your child to have a father? Do you want it enough to settle with an unstable guy? The most important thing is that your child has a stable home environment, even if it is with his/her mom and grandma.

You are in control. Don't settle just because you think that you have to have a father role and have a 'normal' life. Trust me, nothing about parent hood is normal. It has it's own wonderful suprises and you learn new things every day. It is a great experience...take time and enjoy it while you can. And never be afraid to ask for help. There are many girls who have been in this postition. Talk to them about it.

I hope all works out for you in the end.

chris_d