Ok im new to this so im not sure if this will work. My stories about the worst day of my life literally. Ok im 17 and have been with my boyfriend just over a year and in Feb i found out i was pregnant but didnt do anything about it as i was very confused. I wanted to keep it but my boyfriend wanted nothing to do with it i told no-one else and kept living a lie. I kept telling my boyfrend id get an abortion but never did, i suppose i was scared to loose him, in the back of my mind i knew i was planning to keep the child but just didnt know how 2 admit it 2 my boyfriend. Anyway about 3 weeks later i started to bleed and ran home crying 2 my mum she told me i may be having a misscarriage but it may just be normal i'd been getting cramps but still thought it might of been normal a few days later i went out 2 a frendz party on 15 april my cramps had gt worse n weremore like really bad stomach pains i was worried i was loosing my baby but trying 2 act ok as none of my friends knewi was pregnant ,and wen i got home that night i started getin realy bad pains they went on throught the night and the next day. I had a misscarriage that day and i still remember looking down to my poor baby in the tiolet i never really knew how many months gone i was as i never notified doctors or anything but im guessing i was about 3 months. The day sticks in my mind 16 april 2006. I went to the hospital and they were reall crappy telling me\"I had plenty more time to have children\"It broke my heart to see that and every single day since i see my poor baby and cry my eyes out. i SUPPOSE IVE NEVER REALLY GOT OVER LOOSING MY FIRST CHILD AS i really wanted to keep it regardless of what anyone else says. My boyfrend showed no emotion until a month after the miscarriage but he still doesnt feel the pain i feel i know that i will never forget my first child and i feel guilty for not offering them the chance to live i know it sounds crazy but i was excited and still have the feeling i would of had a son, I would of giving borth around october (roughly) and that was when i really started to feel more upset. I blame myself and my boyfrien thinks im being silly and has told me to get over it. If you havent expereinced this for yourself you dont understand the true extent of the pain you go through. Its affected me so bad that i sometimes think im pregnant again and get excited, then when my period comes i get dissapoined. I want another baby but i know its wrong to try and replace my pain with another child and that its not fair.
I may be pregnant again as i have had unprotected sex a lot of times recetly and my boyfriend has came inside of me. A part of em hopes i am but another part wishes im imaginig it. I know if i was id keep it and loose my boyfriend an to tell the truth im not sure if i want to loose him and raise a child with no father. Its all stressing me out and gettin me really down.
I was wonderng if there are any other teen girls that have been through a painful misscarriage and could help me to try and stop feeling so guilty. And also if any of you may be pregnant with a non-supportive boyfriend and what you would do. Thanks
Natalie xx
