As some of you may remember my last post. Askeing opinions on getting an abortion. Well here is how it all ended. I went to the clinic, crying, i wasnt oing to go through with it, i was just making everyone happy by going. In the end i told myself that i was not going to do this, an di will tell my mother i tried, well i was all wrong. I got there and spent hours of waiting with my boyfriend and mother. The clinic was so full it crushed me, everyone walked around with smiles on there faces, lauhing and joking around. \"How could they be like this,\" i wondered. They were all going to kill innocent babies, and as i sat there i was part of this crime. It was finally my turn to go have my ultrasound taken. I asked to see my baby and the lady looked at me like i was crazy, no one had ever asked her this before. I got to see him, he was waving at his mommy, and sucking his other hand. It was a boy! she put me at 21 weeks and 6 days. They only do ultrasounds up to 22 weeks 7 days. I was so happy they wouldnt be able to do this, i wen back and told my mom i was too late, but she thought otherwise. She went back and talked to a nurse for a while, i was then taken back into a room, and was told they were going to preform this. I cried, no im not going to let anyone kill my baby. So i ran away, out to the car, my mother than met me there and told me the absoulute worst thing i have ever heard. This crushed me, how could my mother say this to me, i was so mad, and an emmotional wreck, that i told her fine i will do this so your grandchild will be dead, she then smiled nd laughed. Immediatly i was put on drugs so i wouldnt and couldnt change my mind. This was the absoulute last thing i wanted. I later woke up and said that the first part is over with and that the baby is dead. Tomorrow they will preform the procedure and then i will be good to go. I then became a physical and emmotional wreck. This is the first time i had ever seen my boyfriend cry. All i could do was hold my lil baby and wish that i was dead. Still that is my only wish. After the abortion, my mom has went about her life happier than i have ever seen her. I still cannot forgive her and probably never will. I was forcedd to do something beyond all of my beliefs, and something i never wanted to do. I know sit here a week later and still have no quit crying i miss my baby so much, and all im left with is his lil face on an ultrasound picture. I cannot look at my boyfriend anymore becuse all i see is the baby. This has not only just ruined my life as of right now, but i know it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I hate myself for giving in, i dont know what else to do. I have asked for gods forgivness, but i dont deserve it. It is oo much to ask for. I gave in and let someone kill my child.
If my story changes one young womans mind, i will consider myself a hero to one youngs life. Please do not to do this to yourself or your baby. It will haunt you forever, i will never be the same. Please is all i ask, do not do what i have done. Thank you for your time in reading this.
