I was 18 and finishing my first year of college when I found out that I was pregnant. My boyfriend told me to have an abortion. Having an abortion had never crossed my mind and the fact that he said that shocked me. He had already finished college and was making enough money to support a child if he had to. But he made me feel so guilty for wanting to keep my baby. He acted like it would ruin our lives and that if I had a baby I wouldn't be the same person. He found an abortion clinic in the phone book and set up an appointment. He knew I was against it but disregarded my feelings completely. I felt like I had no choice but to go through with it. At the clinic they gave me some drugs to supposedly help with the pain. It was the most horrible pain I have ever felt in my life. I was screaming and crying the whole time and after I was shaking uncontrollaby. The people at the clinic told me I would be relieved afterwards but it is a lie. I am haunted by what I did. I have to live with this painful secret for the rest of my life. Not even my mom or best friend know what I have done. I'm afraid if they knew that they would hate me. I will regret it for the rest of my life. I hate that my boyfriend did that to me. I hate that I was stupid enough to listen to him and the clinic. I just want anyone reading this that is thinking of abortion to PLEASE reconsider. Please don't do it if you have doubts. Don't be like me.

that's awful hon, it really is. you don't say how long ago that was, but no matter one or ten years, it sounds to me like you really should talk to someone about it, if you feel you can't tell your mum or friends, perhaps a counsellor? you don't mention if you were seeing one after it happened, but from the sound of it, i think it would help to do so. i know whats its liike to be told to see a counsellor, you think they're just for loonys etc! at least, that was my first reaction, afraid they'd lock me up and throw away the key! but it really helped to talk things through, you feel you can tell them anything, first, coz you know they're not allowed to repeat it to anyone, and second, they're not someone you know, kiinda like an outsiders opinion, shoullder to lean on, but an outsider who really cares. at least if you get the right person, they are. i was on my fourth counsellor before i finally found one who suited me.
i think it's great that you're brave enough to share your story with others here, it must have taken a lot of courage and strength to write that down.
I wish you all the very best, and i hope you can find a way to heal as best as possible, i, and everyone else here, will be thinking of you. *HUGS*

OMG.. you sound just like me.. When i was 16 I had an abortion and it was the worse thing i ever had to go through... i wasnt gonna do it but when my bf left me i felt so scared and alone so i did.. I know that was the worst thing i have ever done.. its hard for me to come to terms w/ it but i know God has forgiven and as long as I forgive myself thats all that matters.... Dont beat up on yourself forever .. although i know you probably want to ... You made a mistake like a normal person ...Now im 18 and I am pregnant again.. i guess i didnt learn the first time but at the same time God is giving me another chance and another gift and i wont make the same mistakek twice.. that's key.. dont make the mistake twice.. you'll have another chance.... Like yourself i kept my abortion a secret .. mine for almost 2 years and finally when i found out i was pregnant i told my mom.. she cried not cuz she was mad but b/c she wasnt there with me b/c she never knew ... suprisingly me being pregnant has brought us soooo much closer.. but anyway definately tell someone.... I would advise not another teen because they are not as mature and/ or experienced in what you rgoin thru .. u shud probably tell and adult u can trust .. i hate pschologist.. but if thats wat u gotta do then do it .. but if there is anyone else older than you then i would say talk 2 them .. it helps soooo much ... i'll pray 4 u
love, jackie