Dear Proud mama,
I know that you're scared and confused right now and I appreciate what you're going through because I've been in a similar situation myself, but one thing that I have learnt from my experience is this: The hardest decisions to make, the decisions where there's something inside of you telling you what the right thing to do is, even though you don't want to hear it, or are scared to accept it, because you don't want to be in that situation, are the decisions that can bring you the greatest happiness if you listen to that something inside of you and go with what you know deep down is right, or the greatest sadness if you choose to ignore it.
This is one of those decisions. You're in a situation that you don't want to be in, but you need to make that choice. As you said, a part of you believes that you won't go through with an abortion, that's the bit inside of you telling you NOT to get an abortion. I know that you have fears of what will happen if you have the baby, but I promise you that if you keep the baby, those fears will soon disappear, and as time goes on and you watch your baby grow up, you'll be so glad that you listened to that bit inside of you.
And what a Christmas present that would be!
Don't hate yourself for not using protection - you're human, but please have faith in God. He's there with you right now and always will be. If you make that right decision and keep your baby, you know God will be there for you, He will see you through all the things that seem impossible right now and give you a big smile at the end of it!
God bless you