Hey there, I think you are a great friend for seeking advice on this issue. This is a touch and sticky situation that needs to be handled very delicately...First thing first though, getting violent back is never the right way to go unless you are fighting in a dark alley for your life and that is not the case here, it was very wrong for her dad to push her and especially while holding the baby and I believe that needs to be addressed as well, the question I have is that your friend is 20 has a baby and no job or anywhere to live...it was wrong for her parents to throw her out and to keep her child but at the same time your friend needs to find a way to provide for her child, I was the same age when I had my first baby and I had to do everything I could to make ends meet, it was only when I was 21 that I really had to start paying my own bills and day care and all the rest and when I was 22 I was pregnant with a second and I can tell you from experience that as a young single mom you will by any means needed provide for your children, there is help out there, womens shelters, state aid, food stamps, job training programs that pay you to learn new skills to get you better jobs, low income housing, food banks, gas vouchers, free bus fare where it's available, hygiene vouchers to get shampoo and stuff, pregnancy centers where you can earn diapers by watching videos on parenting, they also have clothes both for mom and baby and other needs, there is WIC, the list goes on and on and on...at 20 years old I can't see how a shelter could reject her for age and same with state assistance...I am not coming down on your friend, from the sounds of it she is going through a tough time to say the least the thing is though you don't get kicked out for no reason, you don't just not have a job and nowhere to live by accident...it is tough to hear when you are on the receiving end but when you are a mom you got to step up to the plate and face responsibility...I would be concerned if I had a daughter who was of working age with a child who was not working and had no where to live, I would be reluctant to let the baby go with her, is the baby going to be warm, fed, clean, safe??? Now I think it is heartless and cruel to not let your daughter come over for Christmas and see her son, but there is a reason why...have you talked to your friend about these things??? Does she get defensive if you ask her what the problem with her and her parents is?? There has to be bad blood in the family for a grown man to push his daughter around while holding his own grandchild and like I said that was way out of line and needs to be addressed but I think there is a lot more to this story than your friend is telling you, she needs to step up, find the resources and take care of her baby...I only say that because I have been there myself, it takes two to tango and if there is a problem with her and her parents I am sure she has played a part in it, I encourage you to keep being the great friend you already are being and help her to be accountable, help her find a job, or day care or any kind of resource that will benefit her and baby...every single mom needs a close friend to help out practically and emotionally but to not encourage her in being responsible for her choices and for her child is not going to help her..gently, lovingly guide her in the right steps to becoming more independent and to make wise choices regarding work and housing...that is the best thing you can do for her right now...I hope you can hear my heart behind the words...I didn't used to make very good choices when it came to responsibilities and taking care of my children and it was the friends who cared about me and loved me the most who stood by my side and helped me pick my life up, even though I didn't always want to hear what they had to say in the long run I am so thankful they loved me enough to give me a wake up call...Help your friend get her life together and then deal with the parents...Love Meg
